Are You Lost XX


I like to think it’s because I’m a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics.Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading

Of course, what really happens is people type crazy shit into Google and somehow end up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.

Turns out it’s mostly a desire to see Stevie Nicks naked.


trump can suck a giant bag of dicks – Yes, indeed he can.

donald trump eats a big bag of dicks – I would like to see this. Is it on YouTube?

women of gwar nude

 

What is wrong with humanity?

kim dylla hot – Didn’t she play Vulvatron in GWAR? I’ve never seen the name of a member of GWAR next to the word hot unless it was the sentence “Boy, those crazy rubber suits GWAR wear must be really hot because they all stink worse than a gym locker room’s nutsack from all the sweat soaked into them.”

 

taylor momsen bare – Still looking.

stevie nicks see through naked – So many people want to see Stevie Nicks naked for some reason… and they all end up on this blog.

stevie nicks toes

stevie nicks nackt

trim the fat on albums melon collie and the infinite sadness – If only I could. But what if you did have a time machine and could go back and do it? What would the ramifications be? We might be living in some alternate universe where the Smashing Pumpkins didn’t release a few great albums then a lot of really horrible ones.

Why do I put myself through this?

porn model at juggalo concert – Eww. What porn model would that be? I don’t even want to know. Next question…

brad wilk nude – What? How did this guy get here? 

rock on the range 2017 may 21st flash tits woman

mypornsnap teen

The Best Drummers


drum-2I’m not a huge fan of the “Name Four Musicians to Form Your Dream Super Group” game. I usually just rattle off the members of Alice in Chains or Tool. Sometimes it’s fun to pick a trio or quintet and add or subtract a member, but that was never my game.

I do really enjoy “Best of…” lists though. And I thought it would be a good idea to do some for this blog. That’s not because I’m running out of ideas or anything. I swear I’m not. I’ve got tons of ideas. Make sure you check in next week when I do this with Bass Players.

 

Brooks Wackerman (Bad Religion, Suicidal Tendencies) – Wackerman lands on this list not only because of his awesome chops and stamina, but also for his great last name. It’s like his ancestors knew that someday one of their brood would become the drummer for a great punk band so they picked the coolest surname they could think of.

Frank Beard (ZZ Top) – Yet again, here is a man who’s name is as great as his ability to keep a beat. He gets bonus points for being the guy without a beard but having the name beard. God, will that ever get old?

Jimmy Chamberlain (The Smashing Pumpkins) – The best of the pumpkins if you want my opinion. And you must or you wouldn’t be reading this.

sexy drum machineMax Weinberg (E Street Band, Meat Loaf, Max Weinberg 7) – I had to add someone to make this list ten names. He was the most obvious choice.

A Drum Machine (Too Many To Name) – I was in a band with one of these for a while and I have a ton of praise for these guys. He was always on time (both for and during practice), never got too drunk to play, never had girlfriend drama and never threatened to quit. Aside from his lack of stage presence and sleeping with my old lady he was perfect.

Tommy Ramone/Marky Ramone (The Ramones) – I’m not sure if the trophy should go to Tommy for inventing the Ramones’ drum beat or to Marky for perfecting it.

Raymond Herrera (Fear Factory) – I’ll just let his feet do the talking:

 

Tim ‘Herb’ Alexander (Primus) – Both he and Larry LaLonde are pure geniuses just for being able to work with Les Claypool.

Sean Kinney (Alice in Chains, Jerry Cantrell) – Do you know anyone else who could come up with those great intros to “Angry Chair” and “No Excuses”? I don’t.

Neil Peart (Rush) – I’m honestly not a huge fan of Rush. I like them, but I can’t say I love them. Still, Neil deserves a spot on this list.

Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Nine Inch Nails, Probot, Scream) – I read him saying in an interview once that he is completely overrated as a drummer. And that may be true. He isn’t flashy, over the top or as machine gun fast as some other guys. But he has been very prolific as a timekeeper and has a knack for playing beats that accentuate the song without overpowering it. Sorry dude, you may be the best drummer ever.

The Smashing Pumpkins “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness”


Smashing_Pumpkins_-_Mellon_Collie_And_The_Infinite_Sadness(24 October 1995, Virgin)

It’s weird to think that twenty years ago The Smashing Pumpkins were the biggest rock band in the world and my personal favorite.

What the hell happened?

It should be noted that I now believe double albums are a little overblown and self-indulgent. Aside from The Wall and The Beatles I can’t think of a double album that couldn’t be cut down to one disc and have been better for it (It should be noted that because Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and Exile on Main Street fit onto one CD they aren’t doubles in my book). But even considering other grunge-era doubles from NIN and Jerry Cantrell, Mellon Collie comes across as excessively flatulent.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s some great shit on here. But there’s also some total shit. I appreciate that they (by that I mean Billy Corgan) were trying to branch out and explore new sounds, but this would have been so much better if it were a single album. They could have easily cut the fat and had one of the best albums of the decade. Instead… well.

Disc 1, “Dawn to Dusk,” starts out strong with a string of hit singles. “Tonight, Tonight” is an epic song with strings and one of the greatest music videos of all time. “Zero” blew my mind when I first heard it. I don’t think I’d ever heard a guitar riff comprised entirely of octaves, harmonics and a ton of distortion. “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” is still a classic as it’s easy to sing along to and deals with that feeling of helplessness we all get from time to time. And scattered among these songs are some other great tracks. The title-track opener was always a favorite. I’m a sucker for piano and something about opening the album with an piano interlude always struck me as fitting. “Jellybean” is a great fuzzed out rocker and “Here is No Why” has always reminded me of “Ziggy Stardust.” The riffs are a little similar.

And then “To Forgive” stops the rock train in it’s tracks. I remember liking that song as a teenager, but now it just sounds wimpy and bland to me. There are a few good songs on second half of the first disc. “Muzzle” and “Love” are solid. “Porcelina of the Vast Ocean” would be a great tune if it was shorter than 9:20. Some bands can pull off a song that long and keep it interesting, The Smashing Pumpkins aren’t one of them.

It’s interesting to note that among this mostly great disc appears the biggest, steaming-pile-of-shit song to ever appear on a rock record. I defy you to bring me a song worse than “Cupid de Locke.” I know you’re going to try and I’m sure there are a few contenders out there, but I just really think that this is the worst rock song of all time. Definitely the worst of the 90s.

 

Normally with a double album I may have to break the review into two parts. But this isn’t necessary with Mellon Collie as disc 2, “Twilight to Starlight,” is at best completely forgettable. And at worst, you remember how bad it sucks. There are a few good tracks. Opener “Where The Boys Fear To Tread” has some great guitar riffs, but no hooks or chorus. “Bodies” and “Through The Eyes of Ruby” are both pretty solid songs. “1979” was their biggest hit and is still a staple on rock radio, but it’s not really a good time rocker. “Stumbleine” is a decent acoustic piece.

What’s interesting is that until listening to this album for the review I couldn’t remember anything from the last 3 tracks. And I’m guessing I’ll forget all about them by the time this is published. The band shows signs of life on “X.Y.U.” where they try heavy metal, but they don’t really pull it off. They should stick with hard rock because Corgan’s whiny voice doesn’t sound good when pushed to the breaking point. And what the hell is with “Thirty-Three”? I’m actually embarrassed that the song was a hit single. Now I know how people who lived through the disco era felt.

The Smashing Pumpkins 1995The most amazing thing about this album is that it was a high water mark for the Pumpkins. It was all downhill from here. They fired this album’s MVP, drummer Jimmy Chamberlain (all because of one OD and one dead touring keyboardist), and their next album Adore was completely forgettable. They still haven’t recovered, but Billy Corgan doesn’t believe that.

If you were lucky enough to not have bought this album yet, don’t.