Soundgarden “Telephantasm”


(28 Sept 2010, A&M/Interscope)

Somewhere near the top of the list of jobs I’d never want is to be the guy who has to spend the next few weeks combing over Chris Cornell’s body of work to compile a hits album that is set to be released in ten… nine… eight…

I shouldn’t say that. It probably won’t be that bad. I’m sure there’s a team of people crunching numbers, scanning YouTube and Spotify stats and flipping coins deciding what will go on and what will be left on the cutting room floor.

Telephantasm is as close to a perfect Soundgarden retrospective album as you’re going to get for the price and length. 2 CDs/1DVD makes for a great overview of the band’s career and helps point to albums one may wish to explore further. Plus it’s not so long that it’s a chore to listen to and attention starts to wander.

“All Your Lies” does not start things off well. All tracks are in chronological order and this comes from a 1986 compilation featuring other popular bands from Seattle. I’m not sure if it’s poor production that turns me off from this track or a horrible guitar effect. Either way, I’d much rather skip to…

“Hunted Down” which is the first track featuring the Soundgarden we all know and love. Those screeching vocals and crazy guitar lines are all there. But before we can build momentum and get on a roll we have…

“Fopp” is a cover of an Ohio Players song. I’m not a fan. Funk is not something I find myself getting very heavily into and Soundgarden do not do it well.

“Beyond the Wheel” is just so-so. I can’t really feel strongly about it one way or the other. It’s definitely heavy and unique but has too slow a pace to really rock too hard.

“Flower” is the first song on this compilation I love. It has an odd main riff that worms it’s way into my head and is unique enough that I still haven’t gotten sick of it. This is the beginning of Soundgarden becoming a powerhouse.

“Hands All Over” picks up where “Flower” stops. It’s similar, but this is more of a good-time party rocker.

“Big Dumb Sex” has a title that fully explains itself. It’s big. It’s dumb. And the word fuck is used many, many times.

“Get on the Snake” is a good, groovy rocker, but it’s not quite great.

“Room a Thousand Years Wide” is the beginning of mega-stardom Soundgarden. This is one of the lesser known tracks from Badmotorfinger, but I’m not sure why. I enjoy this track a lot better than…

“Rusty Cage” isn’t a bad song. I always think of a motorcycle racing game for Sega that it was used in. Did any of you ever play Road Rash? It was pretty fun.

“Outshined” is the perhaps the biggest track from Badmotorfinger. The strange thing about it is how much it’s just a grunge version of the hair metal Soundgarden replaced. It’s just much sludgier.

“Slaves and Bulldozers” is another great deep cut. Why a track like this isn’t heard on the radio every hour is beyond me, but that’s probably why I can’t find a job as a station manager.

Disc Two starts off with a stellar live version of “Jesus Christ Pose.” This song has a ton of urgency, power, and speed on its album version, but the live version kicks all those elements into high gear. If you never hear another Soundgarden track, this is the one to hear.

“Birth Ritual” comes from the Singles Motion Picture Soundtrack. It’s another so-so song. It sounds like a stock track that they had lying around so they threw it on there.

The next five songs are taken right from Superunknown and are mostly the same tracks that appear on the album. The only alternate take is “Fell On Black Days” which is the video version. I think I enjoy this version better than the album version, but it isn’t extremely different. The only difference comes from Kim Thayil’s guitar lines. The rest has a nice laid-back, live-in-the-studio vibe.

Then there are four tracks from Down on the Upside. This time there are two alternate tracks. I remember when they performed “Pretty Noose” on Saturday Night Live. It’s a good version, but not stellar. “Blow Up The Outside World” is taken from an MTV Live ‘N’ Loud performance. It’s nice to have different versions instead of the same thing I can get on the other albums in my collection, but these tracks aren’t must hear like “Jesus Christ Pose.”

The album ends with “Black Rain,” an outtake from the Badmotorfinger sessions. Not a bad track, but I can see why it was left out.

 

All that’s missing from this collection is “Loud Love” and “The Day I Tried To Live.” The latter makes an appearance on the DVD, but it would be nice to hear while I’m listening to this cruising down the highway. If they were to add those tunes and a few more alternate/live takes I would call this collection perfect. As it is, I’ll have to give it 3.5/5 stars.

I just wonder how many discs the Cornell tribute will be. Telephantasm provides a great groundwork for the Soundgarden stuff, but there’s nothing from Temple of the Dog, Audioslave or any of his solo work. It’s going to have to be a box set, with (hopefully) a truncated version for us cheapos.

I just hope it does justice to a stellar career.

Advertisements

Are You Lost XX


I like to think it’s because I’m a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics.Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading

Of course, what really happens is people type crazy shit into Google and somehow end up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.

Turns out it’s mostly a desire to see Stevie Nicks naked.


trump can suck a giant bag of dicks – Yes, indeed he can.

donald trump eats a big bag of dicks – I would like to see this. Is it on YouTube?

women of gwar nude

 

What is wrong with humanity?

kim dylla hot – Didn’t she play Vulvatron in GWAR? I’ve never seen the name of a member of GWAR next to the word hot unless it was the sentence “Boy, those crazy rubber suits GWAR wear must be really hot because they all stink worse than a gym locker room’s nutsack from all the sweat soaked into them.”

 

taylor momsen bare – Still looking.

stevie nicks see through naked – So many people want to see Stevie Nicks naked for some reason… and they all end up on this blog.

stevie nicks toes

stevie nicks nackt

trim the fat on albums melon collie and the infinite sadness – If only I could. But what if you did have a time machine and could go back and do it? What would the ramifications be? We might be living in some alternate universe where the Smashing Pumpkins didn’t release a few great albums then a lot of really horrible ones.

Why do I put myself through this?

porn model at juggalo concert – Eww. What porn model would that be? I don’t even want to know. Next question…

brad wilk nude – What? How did this guy get here? 

rock on the range 2017 may 21st flash tits woman

mypornsnap teen

Why I’m Proud to be an American


 

At a time when it would be easy to feel shame and embarrassment about the state of my country, I’m actually feeling quite optimistic.

Sure, our President is a giant sack of shit who has somehow managed to appear semi-sentient and he and his team have somehow found time in their busy schedule coordinating policy with the Russians to convince 38 percent of Americans that he’s doing a good job.

And the Speaker of the House isn’t any better.

It’s easy to find doomsayers and Chicken Littles on the internet. It’s easy to predict a dystopian future. It’s easy to sit back and bemoan how things are only getting worse.

Do you wanna know what I say?

 

 

 

 

FUCK THAT!

I’ve always found adversity to be the strongest motivator. And the challenges we face are just other names for goals we already wanted to accomplish, but now have the burning desire to see through.

“Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if (we) last for a thousand years, men will still say, This was their finest hour.”

Will it be hard? Yes. Will there be suffering? Yes. Will we persevere? Most definitely.

But millions of Americans have already proven they’re up to the challenge, and that is what makes me proud.

 

“Why stand on a silent platform? Fight the war, fuck the norm.”

Are You Lost 19


Picard Why would you google thatI like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.

best young guitarists in 2016

best 2016 guitarists – a list of the best two thousand sixteen guitarists seems a little excessive. Hell, I might even show up on that. I try to keep my lists to ten or fifteen max.

Are you sure you just want the face? I'm sure I can find his cock somewhere.

Are you sure you just want the face? I’m sure I can find his cock somewhere.

drummer of slipknot face – This is new. I don’t think I’ve ever had anybody looking for the face of someone before. 

rage against the machine tattoo

 

nickelback tax – This is a brilliant idea. Too bad it turned out to be a gag. But maybe it is in effect somewhere. Does anyone know?

statler and wanew year

oliver sykes performing tumblr – Does Bring Me The Horizon have a new song called “tumblr”? I really need to keep up on this stuff.

stevie nicks real nude – Sorry, I can only point you in the direction of fake nudes.

I don't care if she's in her 70s. Helen Mirren is hot!

I don’t care if she’s in her 70s. Helen Mirren is hot!

stevie nicks young and nude – Why would you want to see old Stevie Nicks nude? The only old woman I want to see naked is Helen Mirren.

envy us nude – What? Is that the name of a band? Or is it just some people who think they look so good naked that a google search will lead to a list of people jealous of them without their clothes?

2011-gathering-of-the-juggalos-9

Naked Gathering of the Juggalos

eat a box of dicks – Incorrect. Suck. You Suck a bag of dicks. Or at least President Trump can suck a bag of dicks.

naked gathering of the juggalos – Please stop googling this. It’s nothing that you want to see.

 

Are You Lost 18


Picard Why would you google thatI like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew. And I could use an easy week to get caught up on my reading.

 

warning adult content – I actually don’t think I’ve ever posted this. Maybe I should have a button asking if viewers are 18 before entering.

volbeat satanic

ratm song quotes – “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!”

axl rose ribs – Did he get them removed to suck his own dick? Or did he open a BBQ joint? 

what shoes axl wearing 2016 – They took away the ones with laces a long time ago.

great southern shredder day 2016

rocko’s modern life shocked 

stage guitarist – Is this some sort of new prop artists are using? Maybe Lorde was looking for something to spice up her performance.

what is labor day – Seriously dude? What are you? Welsh?

 

Sorry ladies, this is the best I could find.

Sorry ladies, this is the best I could find.

THE NUDE SECTION I get a lot of people looking for nude pictures. A lot. It’s probably because I have actually posted pictures of certain artists naked. But I’d never sink so low to post what these people are looking for. Haha… Just kidding.

courtney love boobs – I’ve seen these several times completely on accident. why would anyone actually look for them?

easy a bag of dicks – I’ve asked several ex-girlfriends and they all concurred that it is easy to suck a bag of dicks. And Hillary Scott made it look so hard.

jerry cantrell naked

stevie nicks naked boobs

painted icp tits – I swear, this is probably where most of my traffic comes from.

pretty reckless sexy – Is this a question?

maria brink from in this moment sucking cock totally nude porn – As far as I know Maria Brink has never done porn. I’m not really into blondes myself, but she has a lot of people clamoring for that.

Only known picture of Wes Borland nude.

Only known picture of Wes Borland nude.

maria brink nude– Some are even willing to s p a c e  o u t words in a weird way to find nude pictures.

concert metal girl nude

wes borland nude

lollapalooza 2016 nudes

liza hernandez panama nude – I have no idea how this person got here.

young teen fuck

The Best Band?


supergroups!

Now that I’ve completed my “Best Drummers/Bassists/Guitarists/Singers” project let me tell you why I dislike the “pick 4 musicians to form your dream super group” game.

If I take the top spots from all of the lists I’ve come up with over the past month what you’d have is a band with Dave Grohl on drums, No bass player, Dave Gilmore on Guitar and Leonard Cohen singing.

The point I wanted to make there is that just because a musician is great in a certain band doesn’t mean they will be great in any band.

I gave Grohl props for being versatile and playing with many different groups, but could you imagine him jamming with Dave Gilmore? I’m not sure that heavy punk hitting would mesh well with the classic rock stylings of Pink Floyd. And then to throw Cohen in there… well now we’re just talking about a disaster. (Although I do have to admit it sounds interesting).

diamond Dave and Sammy HagarIt’s strange the how different bands can sound with the inclusion/exclusion of just one member. Would Nevermind have been such a hit if Nirvana hadn’t replaced Chad Channing with Dave Grohl? Van Halen and Van Hagar are literally two completely different bands despite being 3/4 the same. So are Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave.

And what the hell happened to Korn? They were a pretty rocking heavy metal group and then they lost their guitarist and drummer and all of the sudden they’re like a techno thing.

While most musicians do pretty well in most groups it’s still pretty interesting to think of how they’d interact. the question isn’t “which 4 musicians would be the best,” so much as it’s “what would these 4 musician sound like together?”

I wish there was an antonym for the term supergroup. I know it’s meant to convey anytime a few musicians who are already successful get together, but there should be a term that we use when they get together and it’s really awful. Like chickenfootgroup.

 

More Stupid Lists:

The Best Singers

The Best Guitarists

The Best Bassists

The Best Drummers

The Best Guitarists


guitarist-on-stageI really enjoy “Best of…” lists. And I never shy away from the chance to do one for my blog. This one is rather difficult to pull off though. I mean, how do you compare Jimi Hendrix and George Harrison? They’re both great guitarists, but it’s like comparing your favorite burger to your favorite doughnut.

I’m going to try anyway.

I do realize I could just call this “My Personal Favorite Guitar Players,” but I worry that would take away all the controversy and I really enjoy when people comment about how I forget someone. Just rest assured that I did a lot of research into my personal preferences to compile this list. It was very scientific.

 

Johnny Ramone (The Ramones) – He may not have been the most skilled palyer, but not many musicians have had the impact he did. Before Johnny no one played guitar solely with fast down picking. After him, an entire genre of music that did nothing else was born.

Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, Solo) – He’s definitely not a traditional soloist, but he stands out in a crowd.

Jerry Cantrell (Alice in Chains, Solo) – I’m sure being the primary songwriter for his band forces him to look at the guitar in a different manner than someone who composes as part of a group. His solos always feel like they belong in the song and were written to make it just a little better.

Dimebag Darrell (Pantera, Damageplan) – One of the best guitar solos of all time starts at 3:50

 

Randy Rhoads (Quiet Riot, Ozzy Osbourne) – A Randy Rhoads solo disc would have been awesome wouldn’t it? He was amazing at writing these great instrumental songs – but within the songs that he was playing with Ozzy.

Dave Mustaine & Marty Friedman (Megadeth 1990-99) I’m not sure who was doing what in the band at the time. I’m not that interested really, but I know they made one helluva team.

John 5 (Solo, Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Two) – So far there’s only been one guitarist able to maintain my interest throughout an album and/or live show by just playing his guitar. I should probably check out Vai or Satriani sometime to see how they compare, but I’m pretty sure Mr. 5 will always be my favorite shredder.

George Harrison (The Beatles, Solo) – He’s definitely not the flashiest or speediest musician on this list, but he always seemed to know the right notes to play. Come on, could you imagine Mick Mars doing a solo on “Helter Skelter”? Or Steve Vai doing “Hey Bulldog”? Or Type O Negative doing a Beatles melody. (You don’t have to here)

Photo Courtesy of Aces High Photography LLC

Photo Courtesy of Aces High Photography LLC

Jimi Hendrix (Solo, Band of Gypsys) – It really doesn’t seem right to include Hendrix on this list. He doesn’t come off as a guitar player to me. He really just sang through the instrument and like it was a part of his body. His voice and gyrating hips were his instrument, the guitar was just an extension of his body.

Dave Gilmour (Pink Floyd, Solo) – “Dave Gilmore can do more with one note than most guitar players can do with the entire fret board” (That’s a quote I read from Dave Mustaine in an old issue of guitar world. Never have truer words been spoken.

 

 

For more of these lists check out:

The Best Bassists

The Best Drummers