Thank You 2014


I’d like to send a big thank you to all of the people who stopped by the Audible Stew this year, but I don’t have addresses for all of them so I’m just going to thank those of you that read this post.

2014 was another year of growth for the Audible Stew. I’ve settled into my role as a rock blogger and I feel I’ve hit my stride. I’ve unleashed a few new series, Musical FriendsPlatinum Albums and So You Wanna Start A Band. I’m closing in on 10,000 hits. While none of these are huge accomplishment and I’m not quite a superblogger – It’s still a step on my way to global blog domination.

So after showing you the best the world had to offer you this past year in The Best of 2014, I bring you the best my blog had to offer this past year.

Now…(drum roll)… the winners are:

Best Movie Gig – J Geils in “Grown Ups 2”

Biggest Album I Couldn’t Care Less About – Slipknot

Most Popular Search Term – What’s Wrong With Axl Rose? Everybody and their brother is wondering.

Most Popular Posts of 2014 – 

Bridging the Music Presents Local Band Showcase 177
Miley Cyrus – “Wrecking Ball” 150
Weezer – “Weezer” (The Blue Album) 146
The Pretty Reckless – Going To Hell 144
What is Wrong with Axl Rose? 130
Are You Lost III 104

Most Popular Countries – After my post “The Best Canadian Rockers” I thought this list would look a little different.

United States 3,710
Germany FlagGermany 359
France FlagFrance 265
United Kingdom FlagUnited Kingdom 229
Canada FlagCanada 202
Australia FlagAustralia 95
I also had 11 views from Pakistan. I wonder who’s reading me in Pakistan.

Best Album Title – PLECTRUMELECTRUM by Prince and 3rdeyegirl. Mainly because it sounds like ‘Rectum Electrum.’

Biggest Disappointment – In This Moment’s Black Widow After My rave review of their last album, Blood, and a few rave reviews of this release I was expecting it to be… well, good.

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The Hottest Rock Stars


After my tasteless post a few weeks ago on the best songs to play while committing suicide, I thought it would be appropriate if I were to do a totally misogynistic post to repulse my remaining readers. So I present you…

THE HOTTEST ROCK STARS

Maria BrinkMaria Brink of In This Moment – I like what she’s doing artistically with the old-timey lingerie and the tinfoil bunny ears; but personally, I thought she looked better with her clothes on.

Christina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil – Another one I’ve never understood. I hear she has nice feet?

Joan Jett – I never cared much for her until I saw that movie The Runaways. Now I love rock and roll.

Pink – I fell in love at about :45 when she starts jumping rope. Like I said… Misogyny

Otep – Whereas Pink definitely could kick my ass, I get the feeling Otep wants to kick my ass. And for some reason that’s really sexy.

Miley Cyrus – I admit to it.

Yeah, I'd do Chris Cornell. And I don't think that's gay.

Yeah, I’d do Chris Cornell. And I don’t think that’s gay.

Katy Perry – I once heard her referred to as ‘the tits I could play with until the end of time.’ I’m not sure I could do it that long, but Earth would be a cinder burnt out by the expanding sun by the time I was done.

Chris Cornell – I’m not gay or anything. I don’t want to have sex with him. I just want to spoon… man.

This has been my desktop background for a while now.

This has been my desktop background for a while now.

 

Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless – So what if she looks like something from a Dr. Seuss book. She’s still the sexiest who this side of Horton’s eardrum.

Shirley Manson of Garbage – Scottish red head? Potty mouth? Terminator? YES! YES! YES!

If any of you ever find yourself in need of American citizenship, use me for your green card.

If any of you ever find yourself in need of American citizenship, use me for your green card.

 

 

Kittie – It was well documented that every metal dude on the face of the planet was in love with Kittie when they first came out in 1999, but has anyone heard their latest album?

Fiona Apple – I think every guy around my age who remembers this video was in love with Fiona Apple.

All joking aside, these women may have turned my head with their looks, but unlike a plethora of famous singers who aren’t on this list; they managed to keep my attention.

The Most HATED bands


I love doing list posts. They’re so easy! And I don’t have to think about them too much! The only bad thing is that I can’t think of enough lists to come up with.

Any suggestions?

Avril Lavigne/Green Day – Really, anyone who ever claims to be ‘Punk Rock’ is hated and called a poser. Because if there’s one thing punks hate more than authority, it’s punk.

Prince – I’m not sure why Prince gets such a bad rap. The dude is a musical genius.

U2 – I don’t really care for their music, but also don’t harbor the animosity most seem to have for them. Of course, I don’t have the new iPhone.

Juggalos 4 life.

Juggalos 4 life.

Miley Cyrus – I still stand by what I said about her in Most Overrated Bands: “We all hate her because she’s young, beautiful, rich and doesn’t have to wear clothes like the rest of us.”

Insane Clown Posse/Limp Bizkit – Personally, I find it extremely hard to seriously hate these bands. Or take them serious in any manner.

Creed – If there is anything worse than Christian Rock, it’s pseudo-Christian rock. It’s one thing to sell out, but I like to think Hell holds special terrors for rockers who tone down their message to attain super stardom.

Megadeth – I really like Megadeth’s music. But boy, has Dave Mustaine gone off the deep end. It just goes to show that if there’s one thing worse than Creed; it’s born-again Creed.

Marilyn Manson – Wait, no one hates Marilyn Manson anymore.

Whenever you're having a bad day say to yourself, "At least I'm not in Nickelback."

Whenever you’re having a bad day you can just say to yourself, “At least I’m not in Nickelback.”

Metallica – After the whole Napster, St. Anger and documentary where Lars sells that painting for more money than I’ll make in two life times I hate Metallica as much as Dave Mustaine does.

Guns and Roses

Nickelback – Nickelback sucks so bad even ISIS, al-Qaeda and Ebola won’t admit to listening to them.

Are You Lost VI


1910001_10202366648590091_7589657265662642234_nI’d like to think that because I’m such a great writer people are coming to read about my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into search engines and ending up here. After reading fellow blogger Mike Delano’s posts about what search terms lead folks to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.

 

 

Jerry Cantrell Slut

Jerry Cantrell Slut

jerry cantrell slut

axl rose is a dick – Definitely the best answer to the question “What’s wrong with Axl Rose”?

courtney love ted nugent/al jourgensen layne staley/mike patton elvis costello/joey jordison & al jourgensen – I have no idea why these pairs of names came up…

My lyrics are deep and meaningful, but you can't make them out because I'm screaming them unintelligibly!

My lyrics are deep and meaningful, but you can’t make them out because I’m screaming them unintelligibly!

 

 

 

oliver sykes screamo – Apparently Oliver Sykes is the singer for Bring Me The Horizon or some other awful band that I’ve never heard of. But when I first saw this post I thought John Oliver (the guy who replaced Jon Stewart on the Daily Show for a few weeks) was in a screamo band.

 

The kind of girl you want to take home to Mom.

The kind of girl you want to take home to Mom.

 

naked juggalo girls fucking

bands similar to in this moment -why does this search keep leading to my blog? There’s a tab on Spotify to answer this question better than I can!

did marilyn manson play in sadie rene’s – This search was obviously made by a reader from Canton, Oh because no person from outside that town knows about the dive bar Sadie Rene’s. My guess would be no, Marilyn Manson is from Canton, OH but the band formed in Ft. Lauderdale, FL and by the time they were a national act they were opening for bands like Danzig and Nine Inch Nails who definitely weren’t playing dive bars like Sadie Rene’s in the mid nineties.

 

Joey Jordison Rocking a Cock

Joey Jordison Rocking a Cock

joey jordison becomes a cock rocker

most semi nude arab music videos

nine inchnale cock – I’m not sure if this is a search for a pcture of Trent Reznor’s penis or for a dildo in the shape of a 3/4 foot spike.

forbidden young porn search engines – If it’s forbidden I don’t think you’re going to find a search engine for it.

sarah connor tits

miley cyrus twat – I’ve been looking all over for picture of that.

what is in the syringe in the in this moment whore video – Milk? Blood? Liquefied rabbit lingerie?

 

 

The Pretty Reckless – Going To Hell


pretty-reckless-going-to-hellThe Pretty Reckless – Going To Hell (2014)

I’ve never considered myself a gentleman. As to blonds, brunettes or redheads I never had much of a preference; but I seem to be writing a lot about blonds. I’ve covered In This Moment, Miley Cyrus, Courtney Love, Pink and Miss Piggy. Wait… not Miss Piggy. To only one redhead, Shirley Manson.

And now, the next blond… Taylor Momsen

I’m really curious as to whether I’m the only person who is really getting into the Pretty Reckless. Every time I suggest going to see them live in October (for only $25) the guys in my band look at me like I’ve sprouted an extra head. Billboard says they topped at #5, but have been dropping steadily since. The guys at work who introduced me to the band featuring Cindy Lou Who from the live action “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” keep telling me not to quit my day job when I sing along with the album.

So what gives?

While Taylor Momsen is an actress-turned-singer much like Miley Cyrus, the similarities end there. Well, except for the being blond and the flashing of the tits. but THAT’s where the similarities end. The biggest difference is The Pretty Reckless are a pretty damn good rock and roll band. And while you can’t say that they’re breaking any new ground, they have the youthful energy, vigor and appetite that I find irresistible.

“Heaven Knows” strikes me as something of a Queen rip off. Stomp/clap drums and a singalong chorus remind me a lot of “We Will Rock You” and while I’m not going to give bonus points for the lyrics (I’m not even sure what the hell this song is about) this song will get stuck in your head. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Choosing “Fucked Up World” as the second single seems a ballsy move, until they rename is “Messed Up World.” Then it makes perfect sense. I can’t say I care much for the edited version though, it sounds like they just cut out “Fucked” and added “Messed” with cheap software and no concern for how the flow of the song is interrupted. Just changing that one word really messes the whole song up.

And you can’t argue that there are some really badass riffs on this album. “Going to Hell,” “Sweet Things,” “Why’d You Bring A Shotgun To The Party” and the country-tinged “Absolution” all contain some monster guitar licks.

There are also a few great acoustic/slower numbers like “House on a Hill,” “Blame Me” and “Waiting for a Friend” which features the best lyric on the album:

“My head is like a prison cell
I’m all by myself
I’m waiting for my friend
To come and break me out”

But above all the thing I love the most about The Pretty Reckless is Momsen’s smoky voice. Or maybe it’s the hot body…

I like to think I’m deep and don’t base my musical tastes on appearance but…

This has been my desktop background for a while now.

This has been my desktop background for a while now.

 

Are You Lost? Part V


I’d like to think that it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read about my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy things into search engines and ending up here. After reading my fellow blogger Mike Delano’s posts about what search terms lead folks to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew. Here are some of the wacky internet searches that have brought people here over the last month:

Joey Jordison Shirtless

Joey Jordison Shirtless

joey jordison shirtless

slayer is overrated/ is slayer overrated ? -One person was looking for the answer and the other for the question.

miley nudity

junior taboo porn/ youngest nudist taboo/ naked little young girls lust 14 age/ shocking young taboo forbidden porn it may be time to take down that picture of Ariel Rebel. I love the girl and all, but she’s giving me the wrong kind of attention.

darius rucker racist tweet -this was not at all what I thought it would be.

liberace candelabra

pornsarah b all nude photos -I’m still not sure what started this.

metalcore scream girl vs boy -I can’t differentiate between them myself. No answers here.

little richard buddy holly threesome -Yes, according to Little Richard’s Book this really happened.

papa emeritus penis -is this the new Ghost album?

 

If you enjoy this post you may also enjoy Are You Lost IV, III, Pervert or I

 

 

Are You Lost IV


I’d like to think that it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read about my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy things into search engines and ending up here. After reading my fellow blogger Mike Delano’s posts about what search terms lead folks to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew. Here are a few from the last month…

Layne Staley posing nude

Layne Staley posing nude

layne staly possing in nude pictures – There’s actually a really sad, fucked up story about this (here), but I like my take on it better.

christian metal covers of hymns – Cool idea, but I don’t know where you’d find it.

crew stadium in united kingdom-Never been to that one.

most naked music videos

The Reverend getting ready to hang out with Al Jourgensen and Keith Richards.

The Reverend getting ready to hang out with Al Jourgensen and Keith Richards.

al jourgensen cocaine/keith richards cocaine/marilyn manson drug addiction – Was there a series of PSA’s that I missed?

 millstreet brews teenage mutant- Sounds like a hockey team

why stew flamingos pink -Consuming raw or undercooked meats, poultry, seafood, shellfish, or eggs may increase your risk of foodborne illness

raging cock

what makes a bad talent scout – Interest in good music.

what is the meaning for miley cyrus song wrecking ball – Really?

i’m the motherfucker who named you sue – Why would you do an internet search for this?

95 feces – What Martin Luther put on the door of the outhouse.

fuck udarling

Slayer's little known album "God's Power" from 1988.

Slayer’s little known album “God’s Power” from 1988.

was alice in chains satanist – No. Actually if you play “The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here” backwards you get “Ave Maria.” If you play the Smashing Pumpkins’ “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” backwards you get “Holy, Holy, Holy.” And Slayer’s “God Hates Us All” backwards is “Amazing Grace.” These bands did this to hide their true meanings from the godless, heathen masses.

 

Most Overrated Bands


Slayer – Slayer is so overrated that you hear people ask for them at every rock concert you’ve ever gone to or will go to even though they’re not there. I’ve been to 4 Ozzfests, none of which featured Slayer, and every one had some guy holding a Slayer banner yelling “SLAYER!!!”

Juggalos 4 life.

Juggalos 4 life.

Insane Clown Posse – There’s a time and a place for ICP; it’s called junior high school.

Mushroomhead – Just a heads up: If you’re ever in Northeast Ohio don’t mention Mushroomhead. If you do someone you don’t want to talk to will start a conversation with you about their Halloween show or how his or her band opened for them one time or how they were so much better back when they were a local act.

To read what the rest of the world thinks of them read the end of this or this

Tool – Don’t get me wrong, I love Tool. But I’m getting really fucking sick of my bass player doing the intro to “Sober” at EVERY! FUCKING! PRACTICE!

Any of Les Claypool’s Side Projects – All of Mike Patton’s side projects would have made it onto this list except I recently discovered that I enjoy Mr. Bungle.

Kanye West – Didn’t this dude release one song several years ago? Why do I keep hearing about him? What the hell is a ‘Yeezus’?

Psychostick – These guys might be the best band in the world, but I wouldn’t know. Their fans ruin them by constantly talking about how they’re the best band in the world.

Apparently now you're considered a musician to play the mixer.

Apparently now you’re considered a musician to play the mixer.

Dubstep – Whenever I come across someone who says, “I only listen to Dubstep” I always wonder what they listened to 2 years ago.

Miley Cyrus – Sure, she’s a marketing genius and we all hate her because she’s young, beautiful, rich and doesn’t have to wear clothes like the rest of us. But her music is pretty horrible. Good luck watching this without hitting mute:

 

 

Metallica – Personal opinion here – Metallica is not the greatest heavy metal band in the world. Scientific fact here – Metallica is not the heaviest metal band in the world. What Metallica is is the most bastard friendly metal band in the world. That’s why every douche-bag and twat-waffle I work with who wants me to think they’re cool is always going on about how much they love Metallica. Be different for God’s sake!

Thank You: 2013


I’d like to send a big thank you to all of the people that stopped by the Audible Stew this year, but I don’t have addresses for all of them so I’m just going to thank those of you that read this post.

2013 brought all the success I had hoped for when I started this blog in 2012. Well, aside from the TV series staring William Shatner, but I’ve had fun and I’ve had a lot of hits. I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog. I assume you have because you’re reading this piece-of-crap, year-end recap.

The best part is that it has rekindled a long held, but growing dormant, interest and love of music in me and hopefully this will continue into 2014 and beyond.

Now…(drum roll)… the winners are:

The top posts of 2013:

39277_10151517725492692_1507868876_nScio Showcase 2013

Taste the Scene: Forgive Charlie Sheen

Bridging the Music Presents Local Band Showcase

Rock on the Range 2013

Syko-Maffia WWII

And the post I’m most proud of came in Number 6: Anarchadia Interview

Number of name changes to my blog: 3

Top Albums of 2013:

In This Moment -Blood (I know, this is from 2012. But I didn’t come across it till Rock on In-This-Moment-Bloodthe Range. And I love the heavy metal meets slut pop style so much it may be my favorite of 2014.)

Anarchadia – Let Us All Unite

Ghost – Infestissumam

Almost All In Good Fun – Fire. Safe. Cigarettes

The Gunt Punchers – 10,000 Flushes

Alice in Chains – The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here

The Melvins – Tres Cabrones

GWAR – Battle Maximus

Album I refuse to listen to: 13 by Black Sabbath (It’s not a reunion if Bill Ward isn’t there dammit!)

fuck-buttons-slow-focus-albumDumbest Album I keep seeing on “Top Albums of 2013” Lists: Fuck Buttons. You’d think a band called Fuck Buttons would be really cool, but it’s just a bunch of techno crap. How the hell did this manage to be so big! I don’t understand. It should also be noted that there were probably a bunch of more awful albums in 2013 like Kanye West, Arcade Fire and Imagine Dragons, but none had cool enough sounding names to make me actually listen to them.

Best Song: “It’s Not Necrophilia If It’s Undead” by Dr. Dreadful

Best Video: “The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here” by Alice in Chains (with “Wrecking Ball” from Miley Cyrus at a close second.)

Top Countries:

United States

Canada

United Kingdom

Syrian Arab Republic

Australia

Thanks again everyone! I would probably continue doing this blog even if no one read it, but I’m very thankful I don’t have to test that theory.

Renaissance of Music Video?


On our way back from Garbage @ House of Blues Patrick and I were discussing the decline of the music video in popular media. The subject came up because he was turned on to Garbage by their video for “Push It.” Both of us being music fans we were saddened that this alternative venue for artists to create was slowly heading for extinction.

Then this came up on my Facebook feed:

I’ve always loved music videos. They’re a great way to add another dimension to a song and for artists to express themselves visually instead of just audibly. This is the best video I’ve seen since… well, it might just be the best video I’ve ever seen.

While Alice in Chains have always produced great videos (see: “Rooster” and “I Stay Away“) this blew me away. And seeing as how it’s the fourth video from their new album I think it also tells us that record companies are now willing to drop money on the mini movies.

And the greatest thing is that I didn’t have to wait through a bunch of Spice Girls, Limp Bizkit or Chris Brown videos to see it. I didn’t have to stay up until 3 am when MTV finally played the good stuff. I just had to click on a link and it popped up. It’s great that cable television is no longer the supervisor of music video because now we can have true subversion like the above and semi-pornography like Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball.”

I thought the video was dead, but thanks to Youtube and Vevo it looks like they’re back and better than ever. The only problem is that you have to search a little deeper for them.

I don’t have space (and you don’t have the time) to post all of my favorites, but here are a few of the greats:

And a cool article from Billboard: http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop-shop/952337/the-15-scariest-music-videos-ever