Are You Lost 21


I like to think it’s because I’m a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics.Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading

Of course, what really happens is people type crazy shit into Google and somehow end up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.


does donald trump suck donkey dick – literally or figuratively? Come on, he’s not David Cameron!

amorosa sucks donald trump dick – I don’t know who Amorosa is, but it bothers me how much this sound like the title of a porn video.

was david desolas book on alice in chains accurate – Go ask Alice.

young nudist mypornsnap

mypornsnap foto teen

sexy female slipknot fan porn – That’s a really strange and specific fetish.

juggalo sexy girl – Notice that it’s singular. There is only one.

“called glueleg”

what is it like to have sex with axl rose? – I hope like hell I never learn the answer to this question.

http://www.oldpicz.com/young-and-nude-brigitte-bardot-rare-photos/

એજલ – According to Google translate this is from the Gujarati language and means ‘Algal.’ Unfortunately, there is no Google app that can tell me what that has to do with the Audible Stew.

スティービーニックス – Not Sure what language this is, but it’s nice to know that a desire to hear Stevie Nicks’ lovely voice transcends language barriers. Or maybe it’s the desire to see her topless.

 

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Happy Chinese New Year


Cuddly Kittens

According to my Cuddly Kittens calendar, today marks the Chinese New Year. I don’t really have a good song to commemorate China and/or their new year, but I did find a song that has something to do with Indochina and has to do with this years animal.

 

Are You Lost 18


Picard Why would you google thatI like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew. And I could use an easy week to get caught up on my reading.

 

warning adult content – I actually don’t think I’ve ever posted this. Maybe I should have a button asking if viewers are 18 before entering.

volbeat satanic

ratm song quotes – “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!”

axl rose ribs – Did he get them removed to suck his own dick? Or did he open a BBQ joint? 

what shoes axl wearing 2016 – They took away the ones with laces a long time ago.

great southern shredder day 2016

rocko’s modern life shocked 

stage guitarist – Is this some sort of new prop artists are using? Maybe Lorde was looking for something to spice up her performance.

what is labor day – Seriously dude? What are you? Welsh?

 

Sorry ladies, this is the best I could find.

Sorry ladies, this is the best I could find.

THE NUDE SECTION I get a lot of people looking for nude pictures. A lot. It’s probably because I have actually posted pictures of certain artists naked. But I’d never sink so low to post what these people are looking for. Haha… Just kidding.

courtney love boobs – I’ve seen these several times completely on accident. why would anyone actually look for them?

easy a bag of dicks – I’ve asked several ex-girlfriends and they all concurred that it is easy to suck a bag of dicks. And Hillary Scott made it look so hard.

jerry cantrell naked

stevie nicks naked boobs

painted icp tits – I swear, this is probably where most of my traffic comes from.

pretty reckless sexy – Is this a question?

maria brink from in this moment sucking cock totally nude porn – As far as I know Maria Brink has never done porn. I’m not really into blondes myself, but she has a lot of people clamoring for that.

Only known picture of Wes Borland nude.

Only known picture of Wes Borland nude.

maria brink nude– Some are even willing to s p a c e  o u t words in a weird way to find nude pictures.

concert metal girl nude

wes borland nude

lollapalooza 2016 nudes

liza hernandez panama nude – I have no idea how this person got here.

young teen fuck

Loneliness is not a phase…


 

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this, but I have a bit of a problem with depression. To be fair it has gotten better over the years, but it’s still always there. And occasionally it tends to flare up.

I suppose you may wonder what this has to do with a music blog. Well, this disease has gone a long way toward shaping my tastes in music. Even though I don’t listen to either artist now as much as I did during my high school years I still consider Alice in Chains and Nine Inch Nails to be my favorite groups. I’ve come across a lot of bands that I like just as much or maybe more since graduation, but I’ll always have a place in my heart for those two. Listening to them really saved my life and helped me to realize that I wasn’t the only one dealing with these demons.

And I still haven’t found anything that can make feel better when I’m down than Dirt, The Downward Spiral or Jar of Flies. Although I’ve found quite a few songs that help; The Descendents’ “Cool To Be You,” Elton John’s “Madman Across the Water” and Tom Waits’ “Train Song.”

I’ve never written at length about this for a number of reasons. For one, I’m not looking for pity. I’m a grown man; I don’t need pity. I need anti-depressants. Which is another reason I don’t often speak about it. It’s rather embarrassing to admit you need a drug to make you feel normal. I’ve heard a lot of people say they got on meds and didn’t feel like themselves anymore. For me it’s the exact opposite. I tried to get off of them earlier this year only to realize how much I need them. And it’s not just a mental thing. I mean, it is a mental disorder, but without that in my system I have trouble sleeping, near constant stomach pain, lethargy and loss of appetite. I also get this weird feeling I imagine would be like sticking my finger in the light socket.

Robin Williams Depression QuoteSo if someone says they’re depressed, sure it’s a good thing to try to cheer them up; but remember you might as well be trying to cure the flu.

So why say anything about it now? Because I’m feeling depressed. I’ve been listening to AIC and NIN. I’m thinking about putting on The Wall. I guess I hope that sharing will help it to go away. Maybe if I put it out there in the open it will lose it’s power over me. I doubt it, but it’s worth a shot.

I’ve seen a lot of posts on this subject and a lot of them are very good. But no one ever really hit the nail on the head for me.

For me, depression is like a cancer. It’s not poisoning my blood or eating away at my lungs, but it’s polluting my soul. It prevents me from being the me I want to be and forces me to sit alone in the dark wishing I could just feel differently.

I want to say it’s like a tumor growing inside me. But that’s not right. It’s more like one of the Xenomorphs from the Alien movies. I can almost feel it moving and growing in my stomach like it’s just waiting to burst out of my chest.

Some people are have strange phobias. People are scared of all sorts of weird shit; snakes, spiders, Muslims or the boogeyman under the bed. But for me, the boogeyman is alive and well inside my head.

I hope maybe I’ve written something that might make some of you understand mental illness better. And if I’ve written something that you can relate to I hope you’re seeking help and will get better. Aside from being somewhat embarrassing, depression is a royal pain in the ass.

But you know what’s funny? Loneliness has been with me for so long that I bet if it were to go away… I would miss it.

New Music Roundup Part 2


Fisher-Price Little People Animal Songs Sing-A-LongI’ve seen a few posts where people list the music they’ve bought and give a little commentary on it. I find these posts pretty interesting so I thought I’d try my hand at it. I was hoping to make this a twice yearly thing, but blame the state of the music industry for not putting out anything good for me to buy.

*This list does not include anything I have borrowed from the library and ripped to my computer.

13 June 2015 (Walmart New Philadelphia, OH)

Fisher-Price Little People – Animal Songs Sing-Along     $13

Nobody told me how different my music buying habits would change when I had a child, but I can’t expect her to enjoy GWAR or Acid Bath the way I do so I had to buy her something for long car rides. All joking aside though the guitar solo on “The Farmer in the Dell” is pretty bad ass and the drums possess a great laid-back Ringo quality.

 

29 June (Browse & Buy Resale Shop New Philadelphia, OH)

Roadrunner United: The All Star Sessions      $2.50

The Jesus and Mary Chain: Automatic            $2.50

I bought the Roadrunner United album when it first came out, but lost it somewhere along the way. It’s a really unique album where the label tapped four musicians to be team captains who led 57 artists from 45 past and present Roadrunner bands and produced the album. It’s definitely a one of a kind album and I would highly recommend it to anyone looking to satisfy a metal craving.

I completely forgot about the Jesus and Mary Chain album. I think I still have it…

 

Greatest Shit9 July (Amazon.com)

KMFDM: Greatest Shit   $17.49

Finntroll: Blodsvept         $8.99

I picked up the KMFDM album after seeing En Esch last year and I hate to just get one album at a time so I grabbed the next thing on my wish list.

 

25 Oct (FYE, New Towne Mall New Philadelphia, OH)

Alice in Chains – Live & Unreleased  $3.99

Nirvana – Unplugged in New York     $5

Unplugged in New York was a replacement. My copy was scratched to hell. I grabbed the Live & Unreleased promo disc and was quickly disappointed when I realized it was song that were released later on their Live album. I’ll have to put it on eBay to get some other poor sucker.

 

GWAR-Scumdogs-of-the-UniverseI went on a bit of a GWAR kick after seeing them live last November. My collection isn’t complete yet, but I’m getting pretty close.

10 Nov (Amazon.com)

GWAR – RagNaRok  $8.35

11 Nov (Ebay.com ( jnientertainment ( 17042 ))

GWAR – Carnival of Chaos  $7.34

 

14 Nov (Ebay.com (swmcom11 ( 267 ))

GWAR – Scumdogs of the Universe – $20.74

 

The Best of Mozart6 Dec (Browse & Buy Resale Shop New Philadelphia, OH)

Elton John – Reg Strikes Back  $2.50

The Best of Mozart                    $2.50

I used to wonder how Elton John could go from megarockstar 70s icon to virtually unknown in the 80s. Then I listened to Reg Strikes Back. Have you ever heard it? No? There’s a reason for that.

The Mozart album is pretty good. It features cuts from his entire career. From his humble beginnings playing cover symphonies in Hamburg nightclubs, through his time as a backup player with James Brown, Little Richard and others and even his much chagrined “Fat Mozart” period.

 

20 February 2016 (Amazon.com)

Foo Fighters – Big Me                     $4

The Tea Party – Edges of Twilight  $ 3.91

Glueleg – Heroic Doses                   $ 3.97

Stay away from mikeladano.com. Seriously. If you go on that site you’ll end up reading about some awesome band that you’ve never heard of and the next thing you know they’re on your Amazon wish list. I mean, I don’t regret any of these purchases (Except the Big Me single which is just the single and not the Maxi CD single (Who knew there was such a difference?)) But I was perfectly happy not knowing there was an awesome band called Glueleg and if it hadn’t been for that damn website I probably never would have known.

 

Beezelbubba28 May 2016 (FYE, New Philadelphia, OH)

Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral $9.99

The Dead Milkmen – Beezelbubba       $1.00

I was looking to see if they had any Dead Kennedys when I came across the Dead Milkmen disc and I instantly knew I had to have it. Because it was “Buy 1 Get 1 for $1” day at FYE I replaced my old copy of the Downward Spiral while I was at it.

 

29 May (Bandcamp.com)

Mr. Clit & The Pink Cigarettes – Haircuts $5

(Amazon.com)

Local H – Hey Killer                            $8.99

The Descendents – Everything Sux   $9.49

Bad Guys – Bad Guynaecology         $8.99

Hey Killer is probably the best album of 2015 and nearly everyone missed it. Well, except for the guy that wrote that article telling me how great it was.

 

Are You Lost 17


Picard Why would you google thatI like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew. And I could use an easy week to get caught up on my reading.

alice in chains untold story audible torrents – Don’t you hate when you’re looking for a free eBook download and you wind up on review site instead?

https://tomsin83.wordpress.com/tag/rock-on-the-range/ – Did somebody actually type all of this in?

recently deceased motorhead leader – You’d think they could have just typed in Motorhead and clicked on ‘News’ and they’d have found what they were looking for.

Satanic in South Africa

Satanism taking over Africa

satanic in tanzania

beavis and butthead darling nikki – This search led someone to my site because of my Best Soundtracks post which featured The Beavis & Butthead Experience and Prince’s Purple Rain (which featured the song “Darling Nikki”). What they were actually looking for is anyone’s guess.

ozzy osbourne draw

what is wrong with axl roses leg/whats wrong with axl rose foot/what is wrong with axl rose’s face

what’s new with axl rose – I think pretty much anyone looking for updates on Axl Rose or any of his appendages has stopped by my site at some point. 

THE NUDE SECTION I get a lot of people looking for nude pictures. A lot. It’s probably because I have actually posted pictures of certain artists naked. But I’d never sink so low to post what these people are looking for. Haha… Just kidding.

youngest – I can only assume this is something sexual.

スティービーニックス (Stevie Nicks in Japanese) – I hope it doesn’t seem racist that I put this search term in with the people looking for nude photos. It’s not because I think all Japanese people are looking for internet porn, it’s just that everyone searching for Stevie Nicks that ends up on my site is looking for pictures of her nude.

Strategically edited nude photo of Peter Steelestevie nicks nude naked – Or nude naked.

slipknot naked – All 9 members?

female heavy metal singers that posed nude – I actually don’t know of any female heavy metal singers who have posed nude. In fact there’s only one heavy metal singer I know of that has posed nude. 

topless metal girls

nude robot girl 3d – There really is a fetish for everything

Honestly, I think I won the SEO game by having a post titled “What is Wrong With Axl Rose?” that’s brought me more traffic than just about everything else combined. Plus, it hasn’t hurt that I once posted a nude photo of Stevie Nicks.

The Best Guitarists


guitarist-on-stageI really enjoy “Best of…” lists. And I never shy away from the chance to do one for my blog. This one is rather difficult to pull off though. I mean, how do you compare Jimi Hendrix and George Harrison? They’re both great guitarists, but it’s like comparing your favorite burger to your favorite doughnut.

I’m going to try anyway.

I do realize I could just call this “My Personal Favorite Guitar Players,” but I worry that would take away all the controversy and I really enjoy when people comment about how I forget someone. Just rest assured that I did a lot of research into my personal preferences to compile this list. It was very scientific.

 

Johnny Ramone (The Ramones) – He may not have been the most skilled palyer, but not many musicians have had the impact he did. Before Johnny no one played guitar solely with fast down picking. After him, an entire genre of music that did nothing else was born.

Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, Solo) – He’s definitely not a traditional soloist, but he stands out in a crowd.

Jerry Cantrell (Alice in Chains, Solo) – I’m sure being the primary songwriter for his band forces him to look at the guitar in a different manner than someone who composes as part of a group. His solos always feel like they belong in the song and were written to make it just a little better.

Dimebag Darrell (Pantera, Damageplan) – One of the best guitar solos of all time starts at 3:50

 

Randy Rhoads (Quiet Riot, Ozzy Osbourne) – A Randy Rhoads solo disc would have been awesome wouldn’t it? He was amazing at writing these great instrumental songs – but within the songs that he was playing with Ozzy.

Dave Mustaine & Marty Friedman (Megadeth 1990-99) I’m not sure who was doing what in the band at the time. I’m not that interested really, but I know they made one helluva team.

John 5 (Solo, Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Two) – So far there’s only been one guitarist able to maintain my interest throughout an album and/or live show by just playing his guitar. I should probably check out Vai or Satriani sometime to see how they compare, but I’m pretty sure Mr. 5 will always be my favorite shredder.

George Harrison (The Beatles, Solo) – He’s definitely not the flashiest or speediest musician on this list, but he always seemed to know the right notes to play. Come on, could you imagine Mick Mars doing a solo on “Helter Skelter”? Or Steve Vai doing “Hey Bulldog”? Or Type O Negative doing a Beatles melody. (You don’t have to here)

Photo Courtesy of Aces High Photography LLC

Photo Courtesy of Aces High Photography LLC

Jimi Hendrix (Solo, Band of Gypsys) – It really doesn’t seem right to include Hendrix on this list. He doesn’t come off as a guitar player to me. He really just sang through the instrument and like it was a part of his body. His voice and gyrating hips were his instrument, the guitar was just an extension of his body.

Dave Gilmour (Pink Floyd, Solo) – “Dave Gilmore can do more with one note than most guitar players can do with the entire fret board” (That’s a quote I read from Dave Mustaine in an old issue of guitar world. Never have truer words been spoken.

 

 

For more of these lists check out:

The Best Bassists

The Best Drummers

The Best Drummers


drum-2I’m not a huge fan of the “Name Four Musicians to Form Your Dream Super Group” game. I usually just rattle off the members of Alice in Chains or Tool. Sometimes it’s fun to pick a trio or quintet and add or subtract a member, but that was never my game.

I do really enjoy “Best of…” lists though. And I thought it would be a good idea to do some for this blog. That’s not because I’m running out of ideas or anything. I swear I’m not. I’ve got tons of ideas. Make sure you check in next week when I do this with Bass Players.

 

Brooks Wackerman (Bad Religion, Suicidal Tendencies) – Wackerman lands on this list not only because of his awesome chops and stamina, but also for his great last name. It’s like his ancestors knew that someday one of their brood would become the drummer for a great punk band so they picked the coolest surname they could think of.

Frank Beard (ZZ Top) – Yet again, here is a man who’s name is as great as his ability to keep a beat. He gets bonus points for being the guy without a beard but having the name beard. God, will that ever get old?

Jimmy Chamberlain (The Smashing Pumpkins) – The best of the pumpkins if you want my opinion. And you must or you wouldn’t be reading this.

sexy drum machineMax Weinberg (E Street Band, Meat Loaf, Max Weinberg 7) – I had to add someone to make this list ten names. He was the most obvious choice.

A Drum Machine (Too Many To Name) – I was in a band with one of these for a while and I have a ton of praise for these guys. He was always on time (both for and during practice), never got too drunk to play, never had girlfriend drama and never threatened to quit. Aside from his lack of stage presence and sleeping with my old lady he was perfect.

Tommy Ramone/Marky Ramone (The Ramones) – I’m not sure if the trophy should go to Tommy for inventing the Ramones’ drum beat or to Marky for perfecting it.

Raymond Herrera (Fear Factory) – I’ll just let his feet do the talking:

 

Tim ‘Herb’ Alexander (Primus) – Both he and Larry LaLonde are pure geniuses just for being able to work with Les Claypool.

Sean Kinney (Alice in Chains, Jerry Cantrell) – Do you know anyone else who could come up with those great intros to “Angry Chair” and “No Excuses”? I don’t.

Neil Peart (Rush) – I’m honestly not a huge fan of Rush. I like them, but I can’t say I love them. Still, Neil deserves a spot on this list.

Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Nine Inch Nails, Probot, Scream) – I read him saying in an interview once that he is completely overrated as a drummer. And that may be true. He isn’t flashy, over the top or as machine gun fast as some other guys. But he has been very prolific as a timekeeper and has a knack for playing beats that accentuate the song without overpowering it. Sorry dude, you may be the best drummer ever.

Alice in Chains “The Dog Album”


Alice_in_Chains_(album)(7 November 1995, Columbia)

Much like Ozzmosis, Alice in Chains’ self titled album holds a special place in my heart for being the album that really introduced me to the band. I had heard a lot of them on radio before I bought it, but this was my first full album of Alice. I can’t even remember why I bought this one first instead of Dirt or Facelift. I would assume it was because of the wicked cool neon green jewel case and the awesome artwork as much as for the strength of the song “Again.”

A few months ago I read a great post at Play it Loud Forever reviewing Facelift that talked about this album quite a bit. I can’t help but agree with a lot of what he says. I love the symbolism of three legged dog representing a quartet that was functioning as a trio. I’ve always been a big fan of processed and distorted vocals (Ministry, NIN, Butthole Surfers), but coming from the guy who sang “Man in the Box” it is a little bit of a disappointment.

The interesting thing about Layne Staley taking a step back on this album was that it let Jerry Cantrell take the reigns and showed everyone that AIC could continue without Staley. I know it’s hard for some people to stomach William DuVall, but I think without the strength of songs like “Grind” and “Heaven Beside You” I would also have trouble believing that anyone else could be the lead singer for AIC. The Dog Album showed Jerry Cantrell as more of a bandleader than on Sap or Dirt.

The Cantrell songs are the best part of the album. “Grind” kicks thing off with a simple repeated riff and some awesome wah drenched leads. “Heaven Beside You” was always a favorite for that great guitar and vocal melodies. The closer “Over Now” always blew my mind for it’s use of an open tuning and that crazy descending riff.

And really Staley contributed to this album (9/12) more than in the past. He only wrote lyrics to 5/12 on Facelift and 7/13 on Dirt. And his contributions here are just as great.  “Again” was always a favorite for the scratchy vocal part. According to the AIC biography, Toby Wright asked Staley if he was really going to leave those “doot doots” in the chorus. I can’t imagine the song without them. I really like Staley’s solo contribution “Head Creeps” but I think the star of that song is probably drummer Sean Kinney. “God Am” is a pretty cool tune. I love the stabs in that guitar riff and the bong hit that starts off the song.

I’m pretty sure my favorite is “Shame in You.” I love the mellow note bends and soulful singing. I can’t believe that tune wasn’t a single or didn’t at least make an appearance on Unplugged.

 

“Sludge Factory” lives up to it’s name with a sludgy guitar riff. “Frogs” is a pretty cool track, but it goes on for too long for my taste. Both songs suffer from long rambling endings. “Brush Away” and “So Close” aren’t very strong and the “Nothin’ Song” does indeed stick in your head like peanut butter on the brain, but it’s not one of AIC’s best.

While this is probably AIC’s weakest album, it still rocks harder than anything Candlebox ever put out. You could do worse than adding this to your collection.

 

Book Review- Alice in Chains: The Untold Story by David de Sola


Alice in Chains: The Untold StoryWhen I was 15 I took a vacation to stay with my Uncle and his family. They lived about 30 minutes south of Seattle. Because I didn’t know my uncle, aunt or cousin very well (and because I’m a rather bookish fellow anyway) I spent most of the first in their vast library getting to know John Steinbeck. I remember that very well because Of Mice and Men is still the only book to ever bring tears to my eyes.

That’s not to say David de Sola’s biography of Alice in Chains didn’t come really damn close.

I’m not sure what I was expecting from this book. I knew it would probably be a downer. It’s like the movie Titanic, you know how it’s going to end. It’s not like I thought it would be a laugh-a-minute page turner like Paul Beatty’s The Sellout or a thought provoking satire a la Chuck Pahalniuk, but sometimes you’re just not prepared. Hats off to Mr. de Sola, somebody had to write this book and I’m glad it wasn’t me. I guess I was hoping more of that joyful humor that characterized their interviews and TV appearances would be at the forefront. It’s definitely present, but not enough to offset the darkness.

I don’t think calling it “The Untold Story” is accurate. It is the story that everyone knows, only it goes a little deeper and features credible sources. I was really interested in reading about time spent in the studio and what they did to get their sound. It’s amazing that “Angry Chair” has something like 19 different vocal tracks. I was also surprised to read that Layne didn’t start heroin until after Facelift. I always assumed “Real Thing” was about trying to kick that habit.

I did find it surprising that Mike Starr and Mike Inez usually wrote their own bass lines. I always assumed Jerry Cantrell had a big hand in that because of the similarities between “Rooster” and “No Excuses.” I was also surprised to read that Jerry and Sean Kinney claim to have never taken heroin. I always thought they were guilty by association. The book does talk about Kinney’s alcoholism and Cantrell’s addictions, though it never mentions a drug of choice for him.

Demri Parrott and Layne Staley

Demri Parrott and Layne Staley

My biggest bitch with the book is that it’s more of a biography of Layne Staley than of AIC. I suppose this makes sense because he was the face of the band and the one who put the whole thing together, but I would have liked to learn more about Jerry, Sean and the Mikes. There was a lot more detail on Layne’s longtime girlfriend Demri Parrott (pronounced Pear-o) and Mad Season bassist John Baker Saunders than of his AIC band mates. I understand that the deaths of these people affected Staley in a profound way, and thus affected AIC in a profound way, but I would have liked more info about what the band was doing.

I’m sure this is a must-read for any die hard Alice in Chains fans. And it is worth the time and money as it is greatly researched and nicely written. Casual fans may enjoy it too, but you might want to get a library copy.