Camp Anarchy (Day 3)


Camp Anarchy, 2 June 2019

Legend Valley; Thornville, OH

Spanish Love Songs, The Bombpops, Iron Chic, The Bronx, TSOL, Less Than Jake, Bad Religion, NOFX


I hate to say it, but the last day of Camp Anarchy was a little anti-climactic. It was pretty obvious as we dragged ourselves in that we were all a little wore out. I didn’t drink, smoke, take any drugs other than ibuprofen and spent my nights in a motel so I can only imagine how haggard the drunken masses were feeling by this point.

I didn’t realize until a few hours in but the organizers did a really good job of grouping the bands for each day. Friday was mostly hardcore and Saturday had a lot of ska. Sunday was the pop-punk day and while I usually enjoy that subgenre, after being worn out by the ska and hardcore it was hard to feel it.

I have to give Spanish Love Songs some credit. They had the worst set time of the weekend. Those poor bastards were playing mostly to the underage kids who weren’t able to get their hands on booze or pot and the one straight edge guy with a blog.

The Bombpops

I was really excited to see the Bombpops. I checked them out on Spotify and fell in love with their brand of pop-punk. They come off as almost bubblegum because of the cutesy, female vocals until you realize they’re singing about getting drunk and shitting their pants. I also really enjoyed Jen Razavi’s lead guitar style which is similar to the ultra-simple stuff Johnny Ramone played but taken up a notch by moving across the strings.

The Bronx is one of those bands who are bigger than I realized. They’ve been making records for years and playing fests. I actually had one of their tunes on a mix CD a few years ago. I was never able to figure out who played that song even after Google made it easy to find that stuff out and I’m sleeping a lot better now that the mystery is solved.

Unlike every other band that has gotten a pingback from this event, I haven’t gotten to know TSOL any better than when I first saw them open for Dead Kennedys last year. They’re definitely in a world of their own and are very unlikely to show up on shuffle play for any artist on any music app. Plus, as much as I enjoy their tunes the comedic banter between was completely golden.

I managed to remain calm and adult all the way until Bad Religion started playing at 8:40. That was when my HIIT workout began. For whatever reason, it took a while to set up the stage for them so I had plenty of time to stake my claim to a spot to watch from, but within about 2.5 seconds I was shoved elsewhere and only managed to take a brief rest after crowd surfing out of the mayhem (before running right back into it two songs later). There was finally some slam-dancing instead of just a bunch of idiots running around in circles like the Muslims do with that big rock in Mecca and while I don’t think it was more intense than the Offspring’s pit on Friday, I think that’s just because everyone was so fucking wore out.

I’m not sure the pit was even as intense for them as it was at the Summer Nationals tour when I remember seeing the entire crowd bouncing up and down for “21st Century Digital Boy,” but I could be wrong as I was able to view that pit from the outside.

I hadn’t realized that this was NOFX’s first US show since they were dropped by a sponsor after a joke about last year’s Las Vegas shooting. It was nice to hear that experience didn’t get them to tone anything down and they kept me in stitches throughout their set. I’m not the biggest fan of their music and I had intended to leave early, but they were just so damn enjoyable. I’m wondering if they have a live album that features all the between song banter. That’s what I need to make a fan out of me.

I almost don’t want to post a video as I’m worried it might lead to more hardship for the band.

I hope you’ll all forgive me for taking an extra day on the last post of this series. After getting home and feeding the cats all the adrenaline wore off and I managed to nap most of the day away. Shit like this is fun as hell, but it really makes me realize I need to hit the gym more before next year.

 

 

 

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How to Freak Out Your Mechanic


I don’t work on cars, but I do work on machines. Something anyone who works on mechanical things hears a lot is “It’s making a funny sound.”

That doesn’t tell me much, so I tend to ask a few follow-up questions.

“Well, can you be more specific? Is it a THUNK or a SSSKKKKKRREEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee?”

“Does it sound like Lynyrd Skynyrd or Flipper? Is it more The Prodigy or Chemical Brothers? Oh… it sounds like Todd Rundgren? That’s nothing to worry about.”

 

If you really want to freak a mechanic/maintenance person out, just tell us it’s making a strange sound… and it’s just like Nickelback!

Oh Shit! Hit the E-Stop! It’s about to blow!

Looten Plunder Set to be Confirmed as EPA Chief


You’ll pay for this Captain Planet!

Washington DC – President Trump’s nominee to head the Environmental Protection Agency, Looten Plunder, is expected to be confirmed by the US Senate.

Plunder, 68, is best known for his work battling Captain Planet in the early nineties. He has continued his eco-villain work at companies such as Enron, ExxonMobil Corp, Volkswagen and Kingsford. He began heading the EPA after former administrator Scott Pruitt resigned amid growing scandals.

Senate Democrats have tried to raise Captain Planet to defeat his old nemesis, but they have been unable since the water ring was sold to Rob Portman (R-OH) and the heart ring was sold to Rand Paul (R-KY).

“Earth,” said Kamala Harris (D-CA)

“Fire,” said Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

“I think I just broke wind,” said Bernie Sanders (I-VT). “Does anyone smell eggs?”

“I believe Looten Plunder is the best person to lead the EPA and will do a great job helping to clean up Lake Erie, the Ohio River and all of America’s waterways,” said Portman in a typically longwinded statement. “The vicious rumors that he once dumped toxic sludge in a river only to be stopped by a flying, blue superhero with are ridic.ulous. These rumors are sponsored by fearmongers who support government intervention into jobs-killing regulation”

Rand Paul was in the hospital after being beaten up by another of his neighbors.

Ariana Grande Releases Remix of “7 Rings”


Click image for full story

Ariana Grande released a remix of her new single. “7 Rings (Japanese BBQ Finger Mix)” is now available wherever music is sold.

A deluxe 12″ Version of the single also features a “Get off My Nutz Mix,” “All Your Base Are Belonging to Us Mix” and an “Extreme Mayan Makeover Dub Mix” from Al Jourgenson.

Grande has also fired her Kanji tutor and tattoo artist. Hopefully, she has a sense of humor and doesn’t pursue legal action against any satirical bloggers.

 

 

Workout Music Vol. 1


Are there any gym rats reading this blog? I know it’s about music, but I find music is a big part of the gym experience. The songs pulsing in the earbuds can make or break a great workout. You’re not going to get the same amount of reps or achieve a personal record if you’re not jamming to the right tunes.

I assume most people go for heavy music. Metallica. Slayer. Black Sabbath.

Not me. Aside from moving toward punk and away from metal over the past few years I’ve noticed that the type of music that gets me jacked up to build muscle and burn calories is:

 

That’s right. If you see me in the gym, and the sweat is pouring and I’m getting swole… I’m probably listening to Adele or Katy Perry’s MTV Unplugged or something extremely wimpy with soaring female vocals.

What about you? What gets you pumped?

Cat Phones


I sort of live alone. I say ‘sort of’ because I have two feline housemates.

I purposely chose to get cats because they are much easier to leave alone than dogs. If I had gotten a dog there’s no way I would be able to work a twelve-hour shift at a moments notice, but with cats, it’s not a huge deal.

I still sometimes wish I could check in on them. I know they’re probably just sleeping or looking out the window, but it would be nice to know. I was thinking a cat phone would be great. If I was worried or had to work late I could just send them a quick text to check in.

But then I came to my senses and realized how horrible an idea that is. Could you imagine what a cat with a cell phone would be like?

 

And she’s not even the pain in the butt cat…

Everything’s Shocking


I think I’m going to start a shock rock band. But instead of an elaborate stage show, crazy costumes or playing with my own feces I’m just going to make a big point of not playing “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” and telling everyone I’m offended by the phrase “Merry Christmas.”

I bet I’ll get more death threats than Marilyn Manson tearing up a Bible.

I’ll have to give it a really offensive and controversial name also. Something like Antifa, Barack Obama or Empowered Woman. Maybe just Politically Erect or Donald Trump’s Tiny Penis will do.

Who knows, maybe I’ll learn to play the Star Spangled Banner while kneeling.

Merry Christmas


I bought the Essential Weird Al Yankovic a few weeks ago. I’m not sure how essential I would rate the album, but it did have quite a few of his greatest hits as well as some new to me tracks that I really enjoyed.

It also had this old favorite that I’d just about completely forgotten about.

 

Merry Christmas.

Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog!


Last week at church our sending hymn was “Joy to the World.” You’ve probably heard that one. It’s a pretty popular Christmas Carol. I knew the song but for some reason, I just couldn’t place it. So I spent the entire service thinking we would be closing with the Three Dog Night song that begins with “Jeremiah was a bullfrog!”

You have no idea how disappointed I was when the organ didn’t pound out those chords and the congregation didn’t bellow that line.

Are You Lost 23


I like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics. Of course, what’s really happening is that people type stupid shit into Google and end up here.

After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.


Something noncontroversial that everyone agrees on.

duck guy hates nickelback

nude protest – All of the greatest protests are nude. True story.

oregon girl tits 2017

gwar porn 

naked summer girl – I would really like to do a blog about naked summer girls, but I’ll settle for doing one about naked winter or even naked autumn girls. If you are a naked seasonal girl feel free to contact me!

girl diver porn – so many strange types of porn. Is this a girl who does dirty things with a starfish?

insane clown posse porn – This isn’t a real thing, right! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME THIS ISN’T A REAL THING!

juggalos naked – For some reason, it’s a lot easier to find pictures of Juggalettes naked. Not that you’d really want to see many of them.

heavy metal girls nude

what are the queers doing to the soil? – They’re building landing strips for gay Martians. That’s why we need SPACE FORCE!