Dead Kennedys @ The Agora


5 May 2018

The Agora Theatre; Cleveland, OH

Stalker, The Snakes, Gay Black Republican, T.S.O.L., Dead Kennedys

I gave a serious pooh-pooh the first time I heard that Dead Kennedys were coming to town. Without Jello? Who gives a fuck? Then I remember how awesome East Bay Ray’s guitar work is. And I remembered Klaus Flouride has the coolest stage name ever. And I want to say something about D.H. Peligro, but who really cares about drummers?

So I plopped down my cash and bought a ticket. I can’t say that I regret it.

The show opened with local act Stalker. At first it sounded horrible, but I think that had more to do with PA problems. Every guitarist on the stage that night looked over at the sound booth and shouted obscenities. The sound guy was not having a good night. I enjoyed their sloppy, high energy punk. It’s neat to see a band where nearly everyone takes a turn on lead vocals and I appreciated the use of full chords on the bass guitar. It’s a sound that doesn’t get used enough and when done right it sounds huge and awesome.

The Snakes were another local act. They had a lot more metal in their sound, but I still enjoyed their fast punk tunes. I wasn’t extremely impressed and nearly wrote them off as a band with a hot blonde singer. When she announced they were going to play a cover I wondered if it would be Blondie or the Runaways, but they surprised me by doing my all-time favorite Ramones tune “Pet Cemetary” and won me over. Like my companion pointed out, they were a lot more put together than the first act. I didn’t disagree with him; I just noted that was the reason I enjoyed Stalker more.

It’s hard not to get excited about a band called Gay Black Republican. They played some great high energy rock without distortion but with a lot of catchy hooks. Sometimes I wonder why bands are on bills together (see Frank Ierno and The Descendents), but these guys fit right in with T.S.O.L. and DK. I’m guessing it didn’t hurt their chances that they let the headliners use their drum set.

I’m not sure why T.S.O.L. never achieved the same levels of popularity other first-wave punkers did. They play good tunes and feature interesting guitar work. They put on a good show with the singer doing a little bit of standup between songs. I guess their downfall might be a lack of good singalong choruses. The only tune I recognized was “Code Blue,” and while it is a humorous ode to necrophilia there really isn’t a great hook.

Dead Kennedys put on the show I expected. It sucked that I don’t know more of their songs, but I enjoyed the ones I didn’t recognize as much as “Looking Forward to Death,” “Kill the Poor,” “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” and “Holiday in Cambodia.” Jello’s absence wasn’t felt too strongly as Skip Greer proved to be an entertaining and animated frontman. He did stand-up and political jokes to introduce songs and cheated a little by holding the mic in the crowd and letting us sing the choruses. I meant to stay out of this pit as I’m getting a little old, but at a certain point I said ‘Fuck It’ and slammed into old, sweaty people. Then I found my way to the front and stood in awe of Ray’s guitar work.

 

The strange thing was how the crowd got smaller as the night wore on. I guess a lot of Dead Kennedys’ fans have earlier bedtimes than they did in the early eighties, but I still thought everyone would stay around for the encore. It was a great set and I’m glad to have added this band to the list of live acts I’ve seen.

If this show comes to your town I would highly recommend getting out and seeing them. How many other chances will you have to mosh to “Viva Las Vega”?

 

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Original Motion Picture Soundtrack “Tommy Boy”


I don’t usually buy albums based on one track. I’ve been burned this way a few times in the past and thanks to Spotify, I can now listen to an album multiple times before deciding whether to spend my hard earned money on it. But when I saw this album for $1 and it contained the track “Fat Guy in a Little Coat,” I knew I have to have it.

Aside from the classic “Fat Guy,” you also get “Jerk Motel,” “My Pretty Little Pet” and “Housekeeping.” It’s a little disappointing to not have “Every time I drive down the road I want to jerk the wheel into a bridge abutment!” or the pitch where he was lighting model cars on fire, but there are still a few great additions to my library.

The music is all middle-of-the-road rock from the nineties. Paul Westerberg, Primal Scream and the Smoking Popes all make appearances with tunes I still can’t pick out of a lineup. The Goo Goo Dolls are on here with a song from their early days before they were truly horrible. Soul Coughing does a song they wouldn’t have release post-9/11. It also has R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine),” which I remember from the movie and “Come on Eileen” which I don’t.

Yet again, I feel like the tracklist could have benefitted from the inclusion of Chris Farley and Brian Dennehy doing “What I Say,” but they didn’t consult me when preparing this.

The best song on the album is a cover of Kiss’s “I Love it Loud” by a band I’ve never heard of called Phunk Junkeez. It’s pretty hard to screw up a Kiss song and they really knocked it out of the park by adding some Public Enemy samples.

 

This isn’t the kind of an album you’d want to immerse yourself in with great headphones. I usually listen to it as background music on road trips. But if you do that make sure you remove the oil can before you cue up the Carpenters’ “Superstar.”

Happy Easter


Yet another Easter; yet another chance to reflect on the fact that there are a million and a half Christmas songs and no Easter songs.

Such bullshit.

Wait… What is this? Band named after our Lord and savior? A song about rising? Could this be the perfect Easter song?

 

Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy the chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs.

Strange Solace


This is us after the Descendents concert last year.

This will be my first Valentine’s Day without a date in several years. My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago. I know I’ve written about her on here before so you may have heard about some of her health struggles. Still, it was a shock. Even with all of her medical problems I still expected her to live a longer life.

But enough about that. I didn’t want to write this post to reflect on that, but because it actually leads to a somewhat humorous music story.

I don’t know how many people reading this have lost loved ones, but have you noticed a lot of strange thoughts popping into your head immediately after? Among all the thinking about who I needed to call, how I was now in charge of scooping the cat box and wondering what was going to become of the department store that was her wardrobe I got the Vandals’ “My Girlfriend’s Dead” stuck in my head.

I know what you’re thinking. What the fuck? You sick bastard! That’s so disrespectful! Why would you think of that song! Have you no shame? Or at least I imagine you’re thinking these things because the first day I was thinking the exact same thoughts.

Then I remembered something: She loved that album! We were in the car a while ago and it was playing. I went to take it out because I have listened to it already but she stopped me. There are a lot of great tracks on Hitler Bad, Vandals Good. I remember posting “If The Government Could Read My Mind” on her Facebook wall when we were first dating. And she told me a college friend suggested to her that “F’d up Girl” could have been written about her.*

There are a lot of other songs that’ll make me think of her. I know when I got the Descendents I Don’t Wanna Grow Up she said “Silly Girl” was about her. “That’s about me,’ she said. “I’m a silly girl and you’re in love with me.”

Her dad asked if there were any good songs we could play at the funeral and I had to pass on any suggestions.

But even though it’s about a guy lying about a breakup I think “My Girlfriend’s Dead” will probably be our song. Strange as it may seem, I think she would have wanted it that way.

 

*He was right.

Death Metal Cat


A face only a metalhead could love!

Death Metal Cat For Rent

Are you a black metal, death metal, grindcore, deathcore, blackened death metal, death-doom or pornogrind band? Are you planning to shoot a music video in the forest? Are you looking for something that will make your low-budget, amateur video stand out among the millions of other talentless crap bands doing the exact same thing?

Well, look no further! I present you with RUDY THE DEATH METAL CAT!

I know what you’re thinking: who gives a fuck about a cat?

This isn’t just any ordinary cat. This is a black and white Norwegian Forest Cat with a bad case of resting bitch face. SHE ALREADY IS WEARING CORPSE PAINT! IT’S HER FUR!

She has been the singer for numerous nationally touring acts including Bloody Litter Box, Bathtub Shitter, Kiss the Anus Of A Black Cat, Scattered Litter, Squeaky Mice Drive Kitties Nuts and Satariel.* I know what you’re thinking: That’s ridiculous. She’s only four years old. How could she have toured with all these bands? Well, what’s ridiculous is that you’re thinking in HUMAN years. In cat years she’s probably in her mid to late twenties which means she’s had plenty of time to front these bands and release cool, independent albums that are so obscure and cool you’ve never heard of them.

I should also point out that she is a very unfriendly cat. I should probably come with her as a handler. Unless you want her to hiss, claw and draw blood from you. On second thought, you probably don’t need me to be a handler. That’ll make the video cooler.

Fancy, but not too fancy

We have a zero tolerance sexual harassment policy! Any painting of a white stripe on her back and allowing skunks to chase her around whispering sweet nothings in her ear will not be tolerated!

Rates are €17/hour or €125/day plus travel costs and three bowls of Meow Mix’s Indoor Formula

She is a really picky eater so she probably won’t lap up blood or eat raw hamburger or anything, but if you want that I have an orange tabby that will chow down on just about anything.

Serious inquiries only! Reply below.

* I actually only made up some of those names. A few are real. 

 

Happy Birthday Isaac Newton


Today would have been Sir Isaac Newton’s 375th birthday. Newton is perhaps the most well-known and influential scientists to have ever lived. He is credited with developing calculus, the laws of motion, universal gravitation and the binomial theorum.

But what most people don’t know is that he played bass in a high-school band with Keith Richards and Ian Gillan and also designed the cover of Pink Floyd’s album Dark Side of the Moon.

He is also responsible for a delicious type of cookie made of fruit and cake.

Happy Birthday, Isaac Newton!

The Descendents at House of Blues


17 November 2017

House of Blues; Cleveland, OH

Public Squares, Frank Iero and the Patience, The Descendents

The best news I’ve gotten this year was that the Descendents would be on tour and be stopping in Cleveland. These guys have been my favorite band for a few years and I keep hoping to make it to a concert, but I’ve only seen them playing at Riot Fest and my budget doesn’t allow me to go to Chicago for a long weekend.

I haven’t been to a show in about a year, so it was time to get to one. Music is best experienced live, but there’s that damn job thing that keeps me from going to shows every night… and also provides me with money to buy concert tickets.

The night began with Public Squares, a trio from somewhere not of this earth. I’m a sucker for extraterrestrial bands in matching outfits who tell us the only reason the rest of the universe hasn’t destroyed us is that we gave them rock and roll. Is there a way to not love that? If there is I haven’t discovered it.

Their music is great too. It’s your basic punk rock, which is exactly what I was hoping to hear. Things did sound a little too classic rock for my taste by the end of their set, but I’m still looking forward to checking out their album. They’re the best local band I’ve seen in quite a while.

I’ve gone on record about my dislike of emo music many times so it should come as no surprise I’m not a fan of Frank Iero and the Patience. I tried to give them a chance, but when I saw the long hair and incense burning on stage I had a feeling it wasn’t for me. On the bright side, I’ve finally realized what I dislike about the genre: it’s too serious. I can’t help but think that this might not have been the best group to open for a band who has written so many songs about farts.^

The lady friend wanted to head to the balcony for the Descendents to get away from the crowd, so we made our way up. I like checking out bands from a different vantage point, but the balcony at House of Blues isn’t the greatest. You have to pay more than double to get a seat and since I’m too cheap for that we were back in the standing room only section. I’m happy to say we still managed to get a good view.

They opened with “Everything Sux” and “Hope.” Both great tunes, but it took Milo Aukerman a minute to warm up. After the first few songs the band was the well oiled machine I expected. I was a little surprised Milo is such a great frontman. I suppose I should be, he’s been doing it for longer than I’ve been alive. But I’ve heard him described as an ‘Uber nerd” and didn’t see anything to make me think anything else (especially the Camelbak he wore). When my girlfriend said “He looks like a college professor” I had to reply “I think he is.”*

I believe I pointed out in my review of Cool To Be You that the Descendents are the least cool band I’ve ever come across and that’s just as apparent live. Not that they don’t rock, but they definitely resemble the caricatures from the cover of the Live Plus One album. Except for Bassist Karl Alvarez who’s hair has moved from his head to his face and turned gray, making him look like a punk rock Tommy Chong. Caveman Bill Stevenson is the only drummer I’ve ever heard a crowd chant for. With good reason, he’s the main songwriter and quite a few of those great songs we heard sprang from his head.

Cover illustration for the Descendents’ “Live Plus One” album by Chris Shary

I was surprised to recognize so many of the songs they played. It wasn’t until I started researching this post that I realized I own 7/9 of their full-length albums. I’d love to just post the entire setlist because it contained so many great tunes. “Clean Sheets,” “Silly Girl,” “Pervert,” “Suburban Home,” “When I Grow Up,” “Weinershnitzel/No All” and about a million more. Most tracks came from the new Hypercaffium Spazzinate and I Don’t Want To Grow Up.   

The biggest highlights were the resistance anthem “Who We Are” which I wasn’t familiar with, but I’m pretty sure I like better than anything off the most recent album, and Milo running into the crowd for “Thank You.” There were definitely a few ecstatic fans that got to sing that chorus with him on the floor. I managed to get in the pit for the encores and do a bit of slam dancing for “I’m the One” and “Bikeage.” It was a good thing I took my girlfriend to the balcony. I forgot how intense those punk rock pits can get.

Of course, there were a few songs I was disappointed to not have heard, but I’m guessing just about every attendee could say the same thing. When you have as massive a catalog as these guys there’s going to be a few that don’t make the final cut. If I had it my way I’d just go see them the next day and hopefully they’d play “Cool To Be You” at that show.

 

^As always I say this with the caveat that they were playing to a much larger and more interested audience than I’ve ever entertained.

*He was an adjunct professor at the University of Deleware. I can’t help but wonder what his lectures were like.

 

 

Are You Lost 21


I like to think it’s because I’m a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics.Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading

Of course, what really happens is people type crazy shit into Google and somehow end up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.


does donald trump suck donkey dick – literally or figuratively? Come on, he’s not David Cameron!

amorosa sucks donald trump dick – I don’t know who Amorosa is, but it bothers me how much this sound like the title of a porn video.

was david desolas book on alice in chains accurate – Go ask Alice.

young nudist mypornsnap

mypornsnap foto teen

sexy female slipknot fan porn – That’s a really strange and specific fetish.

juggalo sexy girl – Notice that it’s singular. There is only one.

“called glueleg”

what is it like to have sex with axl rose? – I hope like hell I never learn the answer to this question.

http://www.oldpicz.com/young-and-nude-brigitte-bardot-rare-photos/

એજલ – According to Google translate this is from the Gujarati language and means ‘Algal.’ Unfortunately, there is no Google app that can tell me what that has to do with the Audible Stew.

スティービーニックス – Not Sure what language this is, but it’s nice to know that a desire to hear Stevie Nicks’ lovely voice transcends language barriers. Or maybe it’s the desire to see her topless.