17 April 2015
House of Blues; Cleveland, OH
Masters of Destruction Tour
Mayhem and chaos nearly spilled onto the streets of Cleveland last night after a stop on the Master of Destruction tour featuring tribute acts of Guns N Roses and Metallica.
“It was a total rip off,” said one concert goer. “I would start a riot, but the tickets only cost $20. So I’m not really that pissed off.”
The trouble began when The Four Housemans’ singer/guitarist Anse ‘Devil’ Hatfield was wounded by some misplaced pyrotechnics.
“It sure is a good thing we can’t use real pyro,” lead guitarist Randall McCoy said. “As it turned out he only burnt himself on a sparkler. It was when he lost his balance and stumbled to the ground in front of the fog machine that he was really wounded.”
Hatfield was treated for smoke inhalation at the Cleveland Clinic. He also suffered 1st degree burns from the sparkler.
“Unfortunately Devil has been injured and will not be able to finish the performance,” Drummer Lars Upchuck told an apathetic crowd. “We’ll make this up to you on our next stop in town. We now leave you in the competent hands of One in a Million.”
Guns N Roses tribute act One in a Million took to the stage 2 hours late and only played somewhere from 20-30 minutes because, as singer Prince Edward Arthur Charles Exl said, “We’re a true GnR tribute act. And that means that when a member of a Metallica tribute act get’s burned onstage we have to cut our set short. Even if it doesn’t happen in Montreal”
Fortunately most of the audience had already left by the time One in a Million took to the stage so there wasn’t enough of a crowd to start a riot by the time they left.
“We really dodged a bullet tonight,” said a Cleveland Police Officer who wished to remain anonymous. “We could have had a sad, depressing day just like any other day in Cleveland, but instead something awesome happened and we get to be part of rock tribute history.”
One in a Million lead guitarist Slit could not be reached for comment.