Happy Father’s Day


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Do You Know What The Queers Are Doing To The Soil!


 

I can still remember being confused when I first heard of the controversy about gay marriage. I was 18 or 19 when things really started to heat up, but I never understood what all the fuss was about. I mean, gay people are people too right? If they want to get married why stop them. It just seems silly to me.

I know some people have religious objections. I get that, but the thing is that we live in a society where we have freedom of religion. This means that others don’t have to agree with my religious views and I don’t have to believe in theirs. I’m a big fan of this because it allows me to go to a church that focuses on doing good works in the community and “Love one another as I have loved you” and not one that promotes hatred of people who are different from me or creationism. Hell, I have so much freedom that I can even NOT go to church if it suits my fancy.

I never really understood the argument of “The Bible says it’s wrong” as a legal justification for outlawing gay marriage. The first amendment says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. I’m not a lawyer or a constitutional scholar, but I think that means that you need more reason for denying people the right to marry whom they choose than your personal religious beliefs.

Fuck this 'God Hates Fags' guy.The best part now is how people are comparing LGBTQ anti-discrimination laws with Shariah law. I find that a little confusing because I’m pretty sure Islamic fundamentalist groups like Boko Haram, DAESH and the Saudi Arabian government that govern with Sharia punish homosexuality with death. So really, if you want to discriminate against gays shouldn’t you be in favor of Shariah law?

And doesn’t the bible just say that two men shouldn’t have sex? (Leviticus 18:22, 20:13) I always heard that marriage was just like dating, but without the sex. So shouldn’t Christians be encouraging gays to marry so that they have less sex?

I honestly thing we’ll look back someday at how we treated homosexuals and be ashamed of ourselves. Just as we’re ashamed of the way we treated blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, women, the Irish, the Dutch, the French, the Japanese, the Chinese and pretty much every other group of people that were different than us.

But that was before I learned about what the queers are doing to the soil.

 

“A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there’s a pamphlet
In there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it’s addressed to Bill, Jr.
And it’s entitled, “Do you know what the queers are doing to our
Soil?”

Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,
There’s a big underground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,
For an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.
You can’t build on it; you can’t grow anything in it. The government
Says it’s due to poor farming. But I know what’s really going on,
Stuart. I know it’s the queers. They’re in it with the aliens.
They’re building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to
God.

You know what, Stuart, I like you. You’re not like the other
People, here in this trailer park.”

The Glorious Rachel Bloom


 

I don’t usually do much on Sunday. Most weeks I make it to church in the morning, but lately I haven’t been doing much after except for watching Netflix and eating pizza. I used to go to the gym and when the weather wasn’t so hot I’d go fishing, but lately it’s just been Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Pepperoni and Sausage.

But one Sunday activity that I’m pretty regular about is listening to the National Public Radio program “Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!” on npr.org. I really like staying up with current events and I also like comedy so a comedy news quiz seems tailor made for me.

Every show features a celebrity guest. This is usually some type of B-rated celebrity. You’re not going to have Leonardo DiCaprio or Stephen King, but you do get quite a few Governors and actors. They seem to have a lot of musicians on there too. I’ve heard interviews with Jewel, Ice Cube and George Clinton.

Rachel BloomBut my favorite was a comedienne named Rachel Bloom. I was actually fishing while listening to that episode, but when they started describing the YouTube video that propelled her to stardom I had to pause the podcast, reel in my line and sit and watch. “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury,” is a great representation of Bloom’s comedy. It’s satirizing not only an entire genre of music, but also the entirety of popular culture. I mean, the idea that a bobble-headed, Britney Spears type singer would even be aware of Ray Bradbury is completely ludicrous. Which is what makes it so goddamn hilarious.

I just found out that she does have an album out, but I’ve heard most of the songs from exploring the rabbit hole on YouTube after “Bradbury” ends. The songs range from insane (“I Steal Pets”) to self deprecating (“We Don’t Need A Man”) to somewhat offensive (“Die When I’m Young”), but they’re all hilarious. I think my favorite is the sad ballad “Pictures Of Your Dick” which always leaves me in tears… of laughter.

I even managed to watch all 18 episodes of her TV Show “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Obviously I enjoyed it, but it was a little long. Aside from how gorgeous Rachel Bloom is the main thing that kept my attention were the great tunes like “The Sexy Getting Ready Song,” “I Love My Daughter (But Not In A Creepy Way),” “I Gave You A UTI” and “Sexy French Depression.” I’ve often felt like the Josh character when he tries to woo the girl with his tune “Settle For Me.”

And I think I’m developing a fetish for Jewish girls. The Song “JAP Battle” pits two extremely beautiful Jewish American Princesses against each other. Add that to how I’ve fallen in love with Carrie Brownstein from Portlandia and Sarah Silverman and I think it’s safe to say I’d like to find a girl from the tribe.

I wonder what the result will be on porn sites for smart girls who can make me laugh.