#top15onthe15th


I love a great list post. They’re easy to do and usually get a respectable number of views. So when I read about the Top 15 for September 2015 over at 1001albumsin10years I was ready to go. I immediately began compiling the list of my favorite albums of all time (at this particular moment). This was a massive undertaking that took me about the same amount of time as any other post.

And don’t try to argue with me about the order and/or inclusion/exclusion of any particular album. I used the highly scientific method of my own personal preferences so you can’t argue with me! The only condition I set was that I wouldn’t include two albums by the same band. Looking back, I wish I’d set a limit on years (It’s almost exclusively 1994 and 1996).

But enough preface – Let’s Go!

 

the offspring smash cover15 The Offspring Smash (1994) The crown jewel in the early 90’s punk revival.

14 Acid Bath Paegan Terrorism Tactics (1996) The crown jewel in southern-sludge-doom metal.

13 Pink Floyd The Wall  (1979) This was one of my favorite albums in high school. Does everyone go through a time in their lives when this album describes everything you feel about the world? It sure seems to touch on some pretty universal themes.

12 Queens of the Stone Age Songs For The Deaf (2002) Oddly enough, I’ve never been able to get into any QOTSA albums aside from this one. It’s just so great that all of their other work pales in comparison. It’s definitely one of those ‘lightning in a bottle’ albums.

11 Pantera The Great Southern Trendkill (1996) You know the big 4 of 80’s thrash metal? Fuck ’em. Pantera could chew them all up and spit them out. Trendkill makes this list because I find it to be the most cohesive of their albums and it contains Dimebag’s best solo, “Floods.”

 

10 Soundgarden Superunknown (1994)

9 Pearl Jam Ten (1991) – I can still remember the first time I heard this album. I’d already heard a lot of hullabaloo about Pearl Jam and after listening I just though ‘So that’s what all the fuss is about.’

8 Weezer S/T (The Blue Album) (1994)

Electric Larryland7 The Butthole Surfers Electric Larryland (1996) This album is the greatest mixture of noise rock and pop punk ever recorded. I did have Nirvana in this slot, but I think I like the Butthole Surfers better.

6 The Beatles S/T (The White Album) (1968) The Beatles should appear on every best of list. The trouble is that it’s extremely difficult to pick just one Beatles album to put on a best of list. I cheated by choosing the double album.

5 Elton John Tumbleweed Connection (1970) I find it extremely difficult to choose between this, Madman Across the Water and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. I could have easily put them all on this list, but I didn’t want it to just be a list of my favorite Elton John albums. This one wins because there are no songs on it that I don’t love. I don’t love “Indian Sunset” or “Gray Seal.”

4 Nine Inch Nails The Downward Spiral (1994) I was a really depressed teenager. This album helped me to make it through those dark years by letting me know I wasn’t alone in feeling the way I did.

Ramones_-_Ramones_cover3 The Ramones S/T (1976) The prototype for the greatest American rock and roll band… and for the thousands who would imitate them.

2 Alice in Chains Jar of Flies (1994) This album makes it onto this list for the same reason as The Downward Spiral, but appealed to a different part of depression.

 

1 Temple of the Dog S/T (1991) May not be the #1 album ever, but it’s definitely the best album from the 90’s. And probably the 80’s too.

 

So there’s my list. What do you think? I love this event and I’d be down to doing it every few years. Mainly just to see how these lists change. And the best part is that now I have a pretty cool list of albums to review in the near future.

Make sure you stop by Lebrain’s site as he did the heavy lifting and linked to all the sites of people participating in this event.

 

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Are You Lost 9


1910001_10202366648590091_7589657265662642234_nI’d like to think that because I’m such a great writer people are coming to read about my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into search engines and ending up here. After reading fellow blogger Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead folks to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.

joan jett gay – She seems pretty happy.

keith richards friends with al jourgensen – Not yet, but like cockroaches and twinkies, they are expected to survive a nuclear holocaust.

Here you go old dude who figured out how to use the internet properly.

Here you go old dude who figured out how to use the internet properly.

porno layne staley – ewww

joan staley tits – Now? Or 1958?

black gives way to blue better than devil put dinosaurs here – I don’t think so.

acid bath song called blue something – “Venus Blue”

danzig shirtless Gee, how long did you have to search to find this?

penis stew bmg – ewww

organ grinder tutorial manson keyboard

how old is maria brink – Old enough to be your mother.

american musical supply catalog with george harrison on the cover

Vic Rattlehead talk to Godmegadeth’s religion

sara x mills naked fully – I actually looked for this on google for a minute before I realized that if the search brought them here… I’m probably not going to find it either.

bad religon hark the yuletide youtube

 

Suicide Setlist


I recently stumbled upon some articles I wrote for Buzzbin a few years ago that were never published. Hopefully you will find them more interesting and humorous than that damn editor did!

Suicide Setlist

If you’re anything like me music is always playing in the background. You listen to music while you cook and eat, read and write, study and exercise. But while everyone knows that Ministry is one of the best bands to work out to and Al Green is the best for romance, what songs provide the best soundtrack for suicide? Here I offer several suggestions and hope you take me up on the advice if you ever decide to off yourself. So kick back, pop some sleeping pills, drink some wine, and enjoy my suicide setlist.

Celine Dion “My Heart will go On”– It should provide some comfort to know that even in death your heart will linger, much like a fart in a poorly ventilated room.

Kid Rock hangingKid Rock “All Summer Long”– The first time I heard this song I was cruising down the highway so I cranked it up to jam along with “Werewolves of London.” When I realized I was listening to Kid Rock I became so despondent I nearly drove my car off a bridge.

Nirvana “Milk it”– Yeah, you knew Kurt was gonna show up on this list. Anyone still thinking he was murdered should listen to the lyrics of this song where he sings “look on the bright side is suicide.”

System of a Down “B.Y.O.B”– The perfect song to pump you up for your mission after you strap that bomb to your chest.

Soundgarden “Ty Cobb”– If you’re angry at the world and want your last comment to be “Fuck you all” you should probably put this song on. You could just leave a note but I think hearing Chris Cornell sing the words packs a better punch.

Mudvayne “Dig”– If you’re not sure about how to do it, this tune offers plenty of great suggestions.

Loudon Wainwright III “Unrequited to the Nth Degree”– This song is about suicide, but it’s extremely funny so I wouldn’t suggest it to anyone planning on shooting themselves.

The Doors “The End”– Do I really need to explain this one?

Ozzy Osbourne “Suicide Solution”– Due to the subliminal messages hidden in this song which makes all listeners kill themselves I wouldn’t suggest that anyone not planning on killing themselves ever listen to it.

Nine Inch Nails “The Downward Spiral”– I’m not sure if this song is about killing yourself or killing someone else. Either way it seems appropriate for this list.

Anything by Alice in Chains– I love Alice but they are extremely depressing.

Deep Blue Something “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”- I just include this song because of my love of Audrey Hepburn, and the fact that I’ll never be able to fuck her without being a necrophiliac.

Jane’s Addiction “Mountain Song” or Red Hot Chili Peppers “Suck My Kiss”– Doesn’t it depress you to know that no matter how hard you try you’ll never be nearly as cool as these guys?

The Charlie Daniels Band “The Devil went down to Georgia”– If you kill yourself you’ll go to hell, so you might as well get used to Satan’s fiddle playing ASAP (I always thought he blew Johnny out of the water in this tune).

Bye bye bye cruel world!

Bye bye bye cruel world!

The Carpenters “Superstar”– Fucking rock stars and their one night stands. He said he’d be coming back this way again, baby…

NSYNC “Bye Bye Bye”– I refuse to live in a world where Joey Fatone is a millionaire.

Acid Bath “Scream of the Butterfly”– Wait… that’s the perfect song for an abortion, not a suicide.

Pink Floyd “Goodbye Cruel World”

 

Acid Bath – Paegan Terrorism Tactics


Cover art by Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Cover art by Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Acid Bath – Paegan Terrorism Tactics (1995)

After my review of Flyleaf a few months ago I wanted to review an ‘evil’ band. I figure I may have lost some street cred by saying nice things about a Christian band so I wanted to prove my strength and ruggedness by writing about the most evil band I’ve ever heard.

The trouble was; I wasn’t sure anyone outside of my hometown and New Orleans had ever heard of them. Then I read Ten Best Southern Metal Bands from a Denver website.

It turns out people do know about Acid Bath, even if they keep it on the down low.

I was first introduced to Acid Bath from a cassette tape that I borrowed from a friend in high school. It was love from the opening riff. “Paegan Love Song” opens with a slow yet heavy, single-note lick that meshes with the ‘dying felt so goddamn good today’ lyric perfectly. And by the time the song got to the ‘you scream, I scream, everybody screams for morphine’ line I knew there was something wrong  different about this band.

The whole album bounces between hard-as-obsidian metal and slow, sweet-sounding songs about pale things and death. “Bleed Me an Ocean” has a slow sludgy riff and lyrics that put me in mind of Peter Frampton. “Graveflower” is based around a chiming harmonics. “New Death Sensation” is based around a slow four-not guitar riff and is just as haunting as any horror film. The album closer “Dead Girl” is more like a folk song than something you’d expect to find on an album by a band called Acid Bath.

Of course, there’s also some of the most melodic death metal this side of Gothenburg. “Diab Soule” is a heavy thrasher, but with lyrics I can understand. “Locust Spawning” and “New Corpse” are about the heaviest things in my collection. Be careful not to listen to the spoken word “Old Skin” in the dark.

“13 Fingers” is the song that is single-handedly going to send me to hell. After about a decade of listening to this album I looked at the lyrics and read:

GO GO GO
Blood makes the grass grow
I blew a load of Jesus into Mary’s hole

I think I would have been OK, but this sent me into a hysterical fit of laughter where I was rolling on the floor and praying for forgiveness. I try to be a good person, but I have a bad habit of laughing at extremely inappropriate things.

My favorite is “Venus Blue,” a tune that exhibits more songwriting skill than the entirety of all other death metal bands. In fact, the only reason I would consider Acid Bath a death metal band is because of lyrics like “Creeping like frost, As slow as grave moss” and “How much more must we bleed her, I cut their throats while they slept.” Other than that they’re really more of a radio-friendly heavy rock act.

Unfortunately for the entire world, Paegan Terrorism Tactics would be Acid Bath’s last album. Bassist Audie Pitre died in a car accident. Guitarist Sammy Duet went on to form Goatwhore. Singer Dax Riggs fronted a few bands before finally recording and touring as a solo act. I really enjoy the Riggs stuff, but its sad that we’ll never hear anything more from one of the greatest metal bands most people haven’t heard of.