Marilyn Manson Can Suck His Own Dick


You sicko. Why the hell would you click on that link?

I’ll tell you why: You’ve fallen victim to a great marketing scheme.

This post isn’t actually about Manson’s ability to perform autofellatio. I agree with the idea that someone wouldn’t do it themselves when they could get others to do? But some people are into some strange shit. Remember rule 43: If it exists there’s a fetish for it (and probably half a dozen websites dedicated to this fetish).

Some quick internet research tells me that about 1 percent of males can physically contact their penises with their mouths but only about 0.2 – 0.3 percent can actually perform the act.* I’ve heard Ron Jeremy can do it and has on film, but I’m not looking for that.** I don’t want to make any assumptions about the pale emperor’s length, flexibility or sexual desires (that’s not of my business and this is a free country), but damn that was a great marketing idea.

Sex sells. Even oral sex sells. Even oral sex with yourself sells.

Where did the rumor even begin? You have to wonder if there was a meeting at Interscope records and someone said, “What if we start a rumor you removed a few ribs to suck yourself off?” I imagine a bunch of guys in business suits sitting around a conference table nodding.

This was the 90s equivalent of Ozzy biting the heads off those doves. Or biting the head off that bat. Or snorting that line of army ants. Or pissing on the Alamo.

I think Marilyn Manson realizes there really is no such thing as bad publicity. You would think something like this would prevent people from running out and buying a record, and I’m sure it did stop some, but ultimately a lot of people bought Marilyn Manson albums.^ Even Michael Jackson continued to sell records while being charged with child molestation. He’s the artist on the top-selling album of all time. Being in the news just means people are thinking about you, and they may be thinking, “You know, Thriller was an awesome album.”

This principle used to not extend to politics. Ed Muskie dropped his bid for the Democratic Presidential Nomination amid rumors he was taking an exotic drug. 1972 vice presidential nominee, Thomas Eagleton’s history of mental illness and electroconvulsive therapy is thought to have played a part in George McGovern’s loss. ^*

Of course, this has changed in the past few years. After all, Donald Trump was elected president.

Have you figured out why I didn’t title this post “The Marketing Genius of Marilyn Manson?” Would you have clicked if that was the title?

 


* Although roughly 99.9999856 percent have tried.

**I’ve looked up some weird shit for this site, but I’m drawing a line right there.

^ I own several

^* Of course, Muskie served as Secretary of State under Jimmy Carter for a brief time and Eagleton won re-election to the Senate.

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Parents Say The Darndest Things


One of the many, many horrible things about Facebook it that it gives your parents the ability to embarrass you in front of the whole world. I’m often reminded of that feeling when my mom would holler out “I love you” while dropping me off at school for all my friends to hear, only now she does it on the worldwide web.

Every now and again we’ll have an interesting conversation.

Here’s a snip of one where we’re discussing Tragedy: All Metal Tribute To The BeeGees & Beyond.

 

 

Has Anyone Else Noticed…


…A shift in the modern rock radio format?

It seems like when I tune in lately I hear a lot more of Everlast’s “What It’s Like”, Beck’s “Loser” and Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer.” I also hear a lot less Three Days Grace, Shinedown, Breaking Benjamin and other middle-of-the-road modern rock.

I’m not complaining. This is a huge improvement. I actually didn’t listen to much rock radio for a few years. I couldn’t get reception in my car and the morning show sucked, so I switched to a local mix station.

Plus there was that time I almost overdosed on “Kashmir.”

The Wisdom of Rock


I used to really enjoy deep and meaningful lyrics. I’m not sure what changed. Did I mature? It’s more likely that I did the opposite. What do you call that? Immatured? Yeah, I think that’s it.

I’ve immatured to the point where I tend to prefer songs about sniffing glue and smoking banana peels to anything the Eagles have ever done. But every now and again I still come across a lyric, and even in without any marijuana in my system I think to myself, “Wow man, that’s deep.”

So let’s celebrate some of the wisdom that somehow manages to seep through the crack and drip down on us, even though we don’t listen to jazz.

 

“If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice”

Rush “Freewill”

 

“You’ve got to lose to know how to win”

Aerosmith “Dream On”

 

“It’s better to regret something you did than something you didn’t do”

The Butthole Surfers “Sweet Loaf”

A Man In Uniform


One of the best perks of my new position at work is that I get a uniform. This has numerous benefits; the biggest of which is that I don’t have to do nearly as much laundry. And when I do laundry I don’t have to worry about oil and soot staining my clothes.

The other benefit is that I look pretty damn good in the uniform.

There is one thing I don’t understand though:

I swear I didn’t get a job as one of the priests of the temple of Syrinx. I have no idea what the 2112 means. Something about fire protection.

 

Are You Lost XX


I like to think it’s because I’m a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics.Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading

Of course, what really happens is people type crazy shit into Google and somehow end up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.

Turns out it’s mostly a desire to see Stevie Nicks naked.


trump can suck a giant bag of dicks – Yes, indeed he can.

donald trump eats a big bag of dicks – I would like to see this. Is it on YouTube?

women of gwar nude

 

What is wrong with humanity?

kim dylla hot – Didn’t she play Vulvatron in GWAR? I’ve never seen the name of a member of GWAR next to the word hot unless it was the sentence “Boy, those crazy rubber suits GWAR wear must be really hot because they all stink worse than a gym locker room’s nutsack from all the sweat soaked into them.”

 

taylor momsen bare – Still looking.

stevie nicks see through naked – So many people want to see Stevie Nicks naked for some reason… and they all end up on this blog.

stevie nicks toes

stevie nicks nackt

trim the fat on albums melon collie and the infinite sadness – If only I could. But what if you did have a time machine and could go back and do it? What would the ramifications be? We might be living in some alternate universe where the Smashing Pumpkins didn’t release a few great albums then a lot of really horrible ones.

Why do I put myself through this?

porn model at juggalo concert – Eww. What porn model would that be? I don’t even want to know. Next question…

brad wilk nude – What? How did this guy get here? 

rock on the range 2017 may 21st flash tits woman

mypornsnap teen