Cat Phones


I sort of live alone. I say ‘sort of’ because I have two feline housemates.

I purposely chose to get cats because they are much easier to leave alone than dogs. If I had gotten a dog there’s no way I would be able to work a twelve-hour shift at a moments notice, but with cats, it’s not a huge deal.

I still sometimes wish I could check in on them. I know they’re probably just sleeping or looking out the window, but it would be nice to know. I was thinking a cat phone would be great. If I was worried or had to work late I could just send them a quick text to check in.

But then I came to my senses and realized how horrible an idea that is. Could you imagine what a cat with a cell phone would be like?

 

And she’s not even the pain in the butt cat…

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Are You Lost 24


I like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics. Of course, what’s really happening is that people type stupid shit into Google and end up here.

After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.


cant say anything without affending someone – I think more people are offended by the thought of others being offended.

catfishstew.porn

rubber drysuit girl

I’ll do you one better. Here’s a pic of a Blunt and a Dick

dicks picture

art garfunkel audible – some poor bastard was hoping to download a copy of “What Is It All but Luminous: Notes from an Underground Man” and ended up here. Now they are immortalized with all these perverts looking for weird porn.

ugly girls

oliver sykes the musician jerking his cock – Seek help, sir! Seek help!

scott stapp thinks about trump na make america great again – I’ll never understand why people seem to care so much about Scott Stapp’s views on politics. It’s not like he’s Taylor Swift or something.

because trump can suck a big bag o’ dicks!

trump sucks dirty donkey dick

does donald truimp suck cock? – That’s an interesting question. I’d like to see a reporter ask this just so the president would have to answer it. Sure, it’s demeaning to the office of the president, but how much lower can we really go at this point?

trumps big mouth is chewing dick – I wish. At least then he wouldn’t be able to speak.

 

 

AC/DC “Highway to Hell”


(27 July 1979, Atlantic)

I love how some songs make you think of loved ones who have passed away. What’s even better is when the song also appeals to my warped and depraved sense of humor. I wrote about the odd feeling I had when the Vandals’ “My Girlfriend’s Dead” stuck in my head and my thoughts on AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell.” aren’t really that different.

You always hear about siblings turning each other on to different bands and types of music. It’s a story as old as families that’s been happening ever since the first cave-older-brother brought home an 8-track by Dinosaur Jr. and turned his cave-little-brother onto it. It would be a heartwarming story if they hadn’t both been eaten by a sabretooth tiger the next day.

My story is a little different. I was never a huge fan of AC/DC, but I liked them a lot more before my little brother discovered them. We grew up in a modular home, one of those tin cans with paper thin walls. This meant that whenever he was jamming to Back in Black or Fly on the Wall everyone else in the trailer was also jamming to it. It was this more than their continuous play on modern rock radio that turned me off.

I’ve been meaning to do a review of Highway to Hell for his birthday for the past six years since he died, but I haven’t really known how to go about it. Looking back at what I’ve written I still don’t. Highway to Hell was the one album of his I kept. I still have several DVDs, Blu-Rays and video games, but his musical taste was just atrocious. I didn’t do a very good job as an older brother in that sense.

It seems silly to try to review an AC/DC album. You’ve already heard the title track, “Girls Got Rhythm,” “If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It)” and “Touch Too Much” more times than any of us can count. The other tracks are both instantly recognizable and immediately forgettable. AC/DC has done more with three-chords than others have done with jazz encyclopedias.

Anyway, I’ve always just wanted to put something like this up as a tribute for my brother. I wish I could put it more poetically or deeper, but considering I’m using a post about AC/DC as a way to pay tribute this probably makes the most sense.

Happy Birthday Michael Stipe


This may be the end of my “Happy Birthday” series as it is the end of my Left-Handed people calendar, but I don’t want to say anything definitively.

Mom’s Christmas presents always get here late so I may continue it next year…

Or maybe it will spur a new post series.

Stay tuned to find out. Enjoy some R.E.M. while you wait.

Merry Christmas


I bought the Essential Weird Al Yankovic a few weeks ago. I’m not sure how essential I would rate the album, but it did have quite a few of his greatest hits as well as some new to me tracks that I really enjoyed.

It also had this old favorite that I’d just about completely forgotten about.

 

Merry Christmas.

Elton John – Farewell Yellow Brick Road


2 November 2018

Schottenstein Center; Columbus, OH

 

This is a much bigger show than I’m used to attending and I know that a lot of other publications have done reviews so I wasn’t sure if it would be worthwhile for me to do one. But I’m a man goddammit! My opinions matter! Plus, I may have some interesting insights you can’t get anywhere else… I doubt it, but it might happen.

First off, I paid a bit too much for the tickets. But to see a living legend like Elton John that’s to be expected. I tried to think of another artist I would pay that kind of money for, but couldn’t think of any. The nice thing was the seats were much better than expected. I didn’t realize how awesome they really were until we sat down and Elton* took the stage only a few moments later.

Second, his voice doesn’t sound like it did in the seventies. But do I really have to type that? No one’s voice can tour the world for 50 years and stay the same. Elton does a great job keeping the songs sounding strong with his cords in the condition they’re in. Most songs still sound great, and a few sound even better; Something about the older voice lends a few tunes more authority and authenticity. The only one I didn’t care for was “Tiny Dancer.” That song is missing something without those high notes (and there was no steel guitar!).

I was really surprised to find how much I enjoyed the songs he did solo. I’m not familiar with “Border Song,” but thought it was great and I missed the great guitar lick in “Candle in the Wind,” but it was still an awesome performance.

One of my mom’s favorites has always been “Indian Sunset” and I was surprised to find it on the setlist. I wasn’t looking forward to it as I’ve heard it more than enough for a lifetime, but I enjoyed the live version with just piano, voice and Ray Cooper ‘s percussion much more than the album version.

It also really says a lot that I’d be interested in going again when he comes back around next year. If I check up on the setlists and find he’s ditched something like “Sad Songs (Say So Much)” and/or “Believe” for “Madman Across the Water” or “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters” I’d definitely be interested. I can only imagine how many other songs could take the place of “Funeral For A Friend/Love Lies Bleeding,” but then where would the wardrobe change take place?

My biggest bitch about the show was that there was no mosh pit. It was Friday, but when you end the show with “Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting” you have to expect some craziness. Of course, I’ve never seen ushers dancing in the aisle like they were for that tune!

 

Courtesy of Setlist FM

Bennie and the Jets
All the Girls Love Alice
I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues
Border Song (Elton solo)
Tiny Dancer
Philadelphia Freedom
Indian Sunset (Elton and Ray Cooper only)
Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to Be a Long, Long Time)
Take Me to the Pilot
Someone Saved My Life Tonight
Levon
Candle in the Wind (Elton solo)
Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding
Burn Down the Mission
Believe
Daniel
Sad Songs (Say So Much)
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me
The Bitch Is Back
I’m Still Standing
Crocodile Rock (One of the best moments was when he looked at all of us confused because we weren’t singing the “Laaaaa Lalala la Laaaaa” part.)
Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting

Encore:
Your Song
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

 

*AP Style says I should refer to him by his last name, but that just seems really weird when his last name is ‘John.’

 

Are You Lost 23


I like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics. Of course, what’s really happening is that people type stupid shit into Google and end up here.

After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.


Something noncontroversial that everyone agrees on.

duck guy hates nickelback

nude protest – All of the greatest protests are nude. True story.

oregon girl tits 2017

gwar porn 

naked summer girl – I would really like to do a blog about naked summer girls, but I’ll settle for doing one about naked winter or even naked autumn girls. If you are a naked seasonal girl feel free to contact me!

girl diver porn – so many strange types of porn. Is this a girl who does dirty things with a starfish?

insane clown posse porn – This isn’t a real thing, right! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME THIS ISN’T A REAL THING!

juggalos naked – For some reason, it’s a lot easier to find pictures of Juggalettes naked. Not that you’d really want to see many of them.

heavy metal girls nude

what are the queers doing to the soil? – They’re building landing strips for gay Martians. That’s why we need SPACE FORCE!

Nine Inch Nails “Closure”


(25 November 1997, Nothing/Interscope)

I’m not a huge collector of CDs and DVDs. As such, I don’t have a huge number of shelves and other areas to store them. This posed a bit of a problem when my last girlfriend was moving in and trying to find space for her movie collection on my tiny storage rack. A friend from work had given it to me several years ago when I moved and it’s served me well ever since. It has enough space that the bottom is nothing but Daniel Tiger and Peppa Pig DVDs for my daughter. But when Darcy moved in it wasn’t nearly enough for both of our collections.

The obvious solution was to remove a few of my ‘questionable for children’ movies and put them in the less-visible entertainment stand cupboard. I suggested moving the GG Allin documentary Hated, GWAR’s Ultimate Video Gwarchive and Nine Inch Nails’ Closure to that area. My daughter hasn’t taken any interest in this sort of thing yet, but it’s good to be proactive.

It seemed like a good idea and we were able to make enough room on the shelves for both of our collections. Nevermind that she replaced Closure with Scarface. I think that’s a step in the right direction.

I’ve always loved the music video format and Nine Inch Nails were definitely at the top of the game. They were edgy, artsy, creative and controversial all rolled into one. The best part of this double VHS package is the tape that features all of their videos up to that point (with the exception of “Burn” from the Natural Born Killers soundtrack and “Gave Up” from the unreleased Broken movie).

Some of these videos I was familiar with from MTV and other stations: “Closer,” “The Perfect Drug,” “Head Like A Hole.” I even saw “Pinion” late one night. But a lot of these weren’t made to be aired on American TV. I was blown away by the strap-on clad, joint smoking guys in “Sin” and just a little disturbed by the torture machine in “Happiness in Slavery.” Throw in the musical snippets and electrocuting an elephant footage between the videos and you have the best music video collection ever released.

The other tape wasn’t nearly as good as I remembered. Which was strange considering this was one of the biggest musical influences on me during my teen years. Sure, there’s plenty of cool stuff on there: Backstage antics and destruction, celebrity/tourmate cameos featuring Lou Reed, Marilyn Manson, Jim Rose and David Bowie and live performances. Maybe in the DVD age, 60 minutes isn’t long enough for something like this and I would just like to have some more.

There are some great performances, “Terrible Lie,” “The Only Time,” and the “Hurt” duet with David Bowie are all great, but “Down in It” and “Something I Can Never Have” fall short. Plus, I’m unsure why “Wish” should appear on this tape when it appears on the other as both a live video and the official video. I guess I just would have liked to have seen more.

The best part is that we now live in the age of Youtube and all I have to do to see footage from early NIN shows, Lollapalooza or interviews is to open a tab on my browser and click down the rabbit hole. That’s never the same as having a nice physical copy of a video album. And this is one I’ll always cherish.

(I was going to post the NSFW “Happiness in Slavery,” but that’s not available on Youtube.)

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (Spoiler Free)


I’m finally getting around to writing my SPOILER FREE review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It was a good flick. I was pleasantly surprised by the interesting and engaging the plot. The past four movies have all been “we’re stuck on an island with dinosaurs trying to eat us and we have to escape,” but this one finally has something different. I also liked that there were some different dinosaurs in this one. Not just super-genetically-mutated ones, but some based on actual dinosaurs that hadn’t made their film debuts.

Personally, I really enjoyed seeing the Ankylosaur. Oh shit, was that a spoiler? It’s the last one I promise.

The best part of the movie came toward the end when Tyrannosaurus Rex ate a guy and the little kid in front of me in the theater started giggling and said “Silly Dinosaur!” That was a priceless moment.

The second best part is that the actor who played Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs is in it. You’ll recognize him not only for his voice but also because his character is obsessed with killing and skinning dinosaurs to make a suit. “It puts the lotion on its scales or else I give a yank to its tail.”

I’m not going to tell you what happens to his poodle. No more spoilers!