Static X “Wisconsin Death Trip”


(23 March 1999, Warner Bros.)

I was surprised to see that Static-X is touring this year to celebrate the 20th anniversary of their debut, Wisconsin Death Trip. Mainly because their leader died a few years ago. I remember when it happened. It was a huge blow for the hair gel industry and fans of industrial metal.

Sure, they were lumped in with the nu metal of the late 90s/early aughts, but they seemed to have better staying power than most of their peers from that era. I still enjoy their third album, Shadow Zone, that was released long after Limp Bizkit became completely flaccid and I’d done my best to forget about Puya.

It’s somewhat strange to think of how industrial music apes the big craze of the moment and adds electronics to it. Ministry did it with thrash metal in the early 90s, NIN did it with grunge in the mid-90s and Static-X did it with nu-metal at the end of the decade.

I wasn’t sure if they would be fronted by Hologram Wayne Static or just his reanimated corpse. The truth is actually stranger than either of those scenarios.

I was going to make the argument that Static-X wasn’t really a nu metal band, but then I read the Wikipedia definition which said the genre is “heavily syncopated and based on guitar riffs”  and that’s pretty hard to argue with. They were grounded in start/stop guitar riffs and Wayne Static’s goofy growly vocals. Just because I enjoy their music doesn’t give me any right to make excuses and call them something other than what they are.

Which is somewhat horrible, but they were never nearly as bad as Crazy Town. That group is also touring, which is strange because I thought that the entire band was dead.

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How to Freak Out Your Mechanic


I don’t work on cars, but I do work on machines. Something anyone who works on mechanical things hears a lot is “It’s making a funny sound.”

That doesn’t tell me much, so I tend to ask a few follow-up questions.

“Well, can you be more specific? Is it a THUNK or a SSSKKKKKRREEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee?”

“Does it sound like Lynyrd Skynyrd or Flipper? Is it more The Prodigy or Chemical Brothers? Oh… it sounds like Todd Rundgren? That’s nothing to worry about.”

 

If you really want to freak a mechanic/maintenance person out, just tell us it’s making a strange sound… and it’s just like Nickelback!

Oh Shit! Hit the E-Stop! It’s about to blow!

Children Behave


READER WARNING: THE SUBJECT OF THIS POST IS VERY CATCHY. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Do you want to hear about an earworm I’m really fond of? Tommy James and the Shondells’ “I Think We’re Alone Now.” I’m pretty sure the main reason I’m aware of it is that it’s been featured in film and television a few times recently, but I’m glad it has. It might be a song of questionable subject matter, as I’m pretty sure it’s about underage people exploring their sexuality or some other type of Flowers in the Attic-ness, but boy does it have a good beat. 

It even managed to make John Goodman shaking his ass stomachable in the trailer for 10 Cloverfield Lane.

 

And it’s such a great song that I even enjoy the mall-rock Tiffany cover version I just watched in The Umbrella Academy. Of course, that’s not really fair because you could put Ellen Page in a steaming dog turd and I’d probably love it.

 

So what do you think of this song? Do you love it? Or are you going to be cursing me for the next several days as it plays on repeat in your head?

Looten Plunder Set to be Confirmed as EPA Chief


You’ll pay for this Captain Planet!

Washington DC – President Trump’s nominee to head the Environmental Protection Agency, Looten Plunder, is expected to be confirmed by the US Senate.

Plunder, 68, is best known for his work battling Captain Planet in the early nineties. He has continued his eco-villain work at companies such as Enron, ExxonMobil Corp, Volkswagen and Kingsford. He began heading the EPA after former administrator Scott Pruitt resigned amid growing scandals.

Senate Democrats have tried to raise Captain Planet to defeat his old nemesis, but they have been unable since the water ring was sold to Rob Portman (R-OH) and the heart ring was sold to Rand Paul (R-KY).

“Earth,” said Kamala Harris (D-CA)

“Fire,” said Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

“I think I just broke wind,” said Bernie Sanders (I-VT). “Does anyone smell eggs?”

“I believe Looten Plunder is the best person to lead the EPA and will do a great job helping to clean up Lake Erie, the Ohio River and all of America’s waterways,” said Portman in a typically longwinded statement. “The vicious rumors that he once dumped toxic sludge in a river only to be stopped by a flying, blue superhero with are ridic.ulous. These rumors are sponsored by fearmongers who support government intervention into jobs-killing regulation”

Rand Paul was in the hospital after being beaten up by another of his neighbors.

Jerry Cantrell “Boggy Depot”


(7 April 1998, Columbia)

Boggy Depot is my favorite albums in the expanded Alice in Chains universe because it is the most unique. I really think this is the only album from AiC or Cantrell that doesn’t have Layne Staley on it anywhere.

I know what you’re thinking: “Staley died in 2002. He can’t be on any of the new Alice in Chains material, you fool!” but hear me out. See, Staley made a few appearances on Cantrell’s 2002 album as inspiration for the songs “Bargain Basement Howard Hughes,” “Pig Charmer” and “31/32.” Likewise, he appeared on the title track of the reunited AiC’s first album Black Gives Way To Blue. He’s not as noticeable on the more recent releases but I still hear him occasionally. It’s subtle. He appears in the harmonies and the phrasing. There are no more drug-addled demons being exorcized in the lyrics, but Staley still is and will always be a part of Alice in Chains. Much like Brian Johnson, Jason Newstead and Zakk Wylde no matter how great William DuVall proves to be he’s always going to have that shadow hanging over him.

The only song on Boggy Depot I could see working for Alice in Chains is “Jesus Hands.” It has the dark feel and guitar work that put them on the map. But even though it includes bassist Mike Inez and drummer Sean Kinney, I still can’t imagine how Staley would fit into the picture. Maybe he couldn’t either and that’s why it was skipped over during sessions for the Dog Album.

Much of the songs on that album are like that. “Dickeye” and “Cut You In” are both driving hard rockers. “Breaks My Back” is very similar to something AiC would do as a ballad. But the real treat is the songs that are unique to this particular album. “Between” has the most country feel. I’m not a huge fan of Country and Western music but I do enjoy Cantrell’s take on it in “Devil By His Side,” “Keep The Light On” and “Hurt A Long Time.” Sure, none of them are going to get him inducted into the Grand Ole Opry, but it’s always nice to hear someone do something different.

My favorites are the piano-driven songs. Something about that simple lick in “Settling Down” really gets me and “Cold Piece” is a great closer. I don’t think pianos make a whole lot of appearances on Alice in Chains material so it’s always nice when they pop up.

I would highly recommend this album as something everyone should listen to. If you’re a fan of Alice in Chains it’s a neat detour into another side of their primary songwriter. And if you’re not a fan of Alice in Chains this will give you a softer version of what you’re missing.

 

Ariana Grande Releases Remix of “7 Rings”


Click image for full story

Ariana Grande released a remix of her new single. “7 Rings (Japanese BBQ Finger Mix)” is now available wherever music is sold.

A deluxe 12″ Version of the single also features a “Get off My Nutz Mix,” “All Your Base Are Belonging to Us Mix” and an “Extreme Mayan Makeover Dub Mix” from Al Jourgenson.

Grande has also fired her Kanji tutor and tattoo artist. Hopefully, she has a sense of humor and doesn’t pursue legal action against any satirical bloggers.

 

 

Cat Phones


I sort of live alone. I say ‘sort of’ because I have two feline housemates.

I purposely chose to get cats because they are much easier to leave alone than dogs. If I had gotten a dog there’s no way I would be able to work a twelve-hour shift at a moments notice, but with cats, it’s not a huge deal.

I still sometimes wish I could check in on them. I know they’re probably just sleeping or looking out the window, but it would be nice to know. I was thinking a cat phone would be great. If I was worried or had to work late I could just send them a quick text to check in.

But then I came to my senses and realized how horrible an idea that is. Could you imagine what a cat with a cell phone would be like?

 

And she’s not even the pain in the butt cat…

Are You Lost 24


I like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics. Of course, what’s really happening is that people type stupid shit into Google and end up here.

After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.


cant say anything without affending someone – I think more people are offended by the thought of others being offended.

catfishstew.porn

rubber drysuit girl

I’ll do you one better. Here’s a pic of a Blunt and a Dick

dicks picture

art garfunkel audible – some poor bastard was hoping to download a copy of “What Is It All but Luminous: Notes from an Underground Man” and ended up here. Now they are immortalized with all these perverts looking for weird porn.

ugly girls

oliver sykes the musician jerking his cock – Seek help, sir! Seek help!

scott stapp thinks about trump na make america great again – I’ll never understand why people seem to care so much about Scott Stapp’s views on politics. It’s not like he’s Taylor Swift or something.

because trump can suck a big bag o’ dicks!

trump sucks dirty donkey dick

does donald truimp suck cock? – That’s an interesting question. I’d like to see a reporter ask this just so the president would have to answer it. Sure, it’s demeaning to the office of the president, but how much lower can we really go at this point?

trumps big mouth is chewing dick – I wish. At least then he wouldn’t be able to speak.

 

 

AC/DC “Highway to Hell”


(27 July 1979, Atlantic)

I love how some songs make you think of loved ones who have passed away. What’s even better is when the song also appeals to my warped and depraved sense of humor. I wrote about the odd feeling I had when the Vandals’ “My Girlfriend’s Dead” stuck in my head and my thoughts on AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell.” aren’t really that different.

You always hear about siblings turning each other on to different bands and types of music. It’s a story as old as families that’s been happening ever since the first cave-older-brother brought home an 8-track by Dinosaur Jr. and turned his cave-little-brother onto it. It would be a heartwarming story if they hadn’t both been eaten by a sabretooth tiger the next day.

My story is a little different. I was never a huge fan of AC/DC, but I liked them a lot more before my little brother discovered them. We grew up in a modular home, one of those tin cans with paper thin walls. This meant that whenever he was jamming to Back in Black or Fly on the Wall everyone else in the trailer was also jamming to it. It was this more than their continuous play on modern rock radio that turned me off.

I’ve been meaning to do a review of Highway to Hell for his birthday for the past six years since he died, but I haven’t really known how to go about it. Looking back at what I’ve written I still don’t. Highway to Hell was the one album of his I kept. I still have several DVDs, Blu-Rays and video games, but his musical taste was just atrocious. I didn’t do a very good job as an older brother in that sense.

It seems silly to try to review an AC/DC album. You’ve already heard the title track, “Girls Got Rhythm,” “If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It)” and “Touch Too Much” more times than any of us can count. The other tracks are both instantly recognizable and immediately forgettable. AC/DC has done more with three-chords than others have done with jazz encyclopedias.

Anyway, I’ve always just wanted to put something like this up as a tribute for my brother. I wish I could put it more poetically or deeper, but considering I’m using a post about AC/DC as a way to pay tribute this probably makes the most sense.