Happy Halloween


Tax Returns Link Trump to Bieber, Nickelback, Others

Trump loves NickelbackNew York – After months of urging from foes and friends alike, Donald Trump has finally released his tax returns for public view. And while some of the result are not very shocking; others are certain to damage his campaign.

“Nobody was really shocked by the fact that he hasn’t paid any income taxes in 40 years,” said tax expert Edward Room. “Nor were we surprised to find that a lot of his businesses have ties to Russia or that he doesn’t give much to charity. Or that the main charities he gives to are NAMBLA* and the KKK. What did surprise people is that he’s invested so much money into Canadian recording artists.”

Trump’s tax returns show generous gifts to the likes of Nickelback, Justin Bieber, Bryan Adams, Snow, Loverboy and Celine Dion. He not only paid room service bills and tour bus maintenance, but also used illegal Mexican immigrants to ensure no star ever saw a brown M&M.

“It is shocking that a man seeking to become President of the United States would bankroll a band that has been sentenced to death in most of the civilized world,” said Democratic Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton. “The list of bands he has had play weddings, bar mitzvahs and Klan rallies reads like a who’s who of the most hated artists in the world.”

The Donald was quick with a rebuttal, which he posted on Twitter: “Lyin’ Hillary is just mad she hasn’t seen Chad Kroeger’s penis like Ivanka has. Sad.”

While Trump’s supporters have stood by him through all of his xenophobic, racist, misogynistic and generally unhinged statements (as well as numerous sexual assault allegations), many have seen this as the last straw.

The Governor wanted to remain anonymous in this publication for fear of being made to listen to Loverboy.

The Governor wanted to remain anonymous in this publication for fear of being made to listen to Loverboy.

“I don’t see why he couldn’t give that money to a good, patriotic American band,” said Wilbur Oats of Macon, GA. “Someone like Lynyrd Skynyrd or Kid Rock.”

“I wasn’t so mad about the bankruptcies, divorces or ties to the mafia, but this really has me re questioning my loyalties,” said a Governor of Indiana who asked to remain anonymous.

The disclosure has also cost Trump his few remaining political allies with Speaker of the House Paul Ryan withdrawing his endorsement of Trump right before entering his office and playing The Battle of Los Angeles as loud as the speaker’s speakers would allow.

*which apparently is a real thing and not just a South Park joke

Otep “Generation Doom”

Otep Generation Doom cover(15 April 2016, Napalm Records)

At The ANC my single-serving friend confessed that he had never heard the music of Otep. It was too easy for me to describe them. “They’re basically a rap-metal band fronted by a really angry lesbian.” And I stand by that statement. To me that sums up the group in twelve words.

It’s also the reason I haven’t listened to them much since their debut Sevas Tra in 2002. It’s not the lesbian part. I love lesbians, just check out my porn collection. And I don’t really mind the angry part. The passion Otep has for her work is what interested me in the first place.

It’s the rap metal part. That is not a genre that has aged well. To be honest, there are a few bands who are considered nu-metal that I still enjoy (Korn, Mudvayne, Kittie, Coal Chamber), but there are many more that I feel have long outstayed their welcome (Again we include Korn, Linkin Park, Mushroomhead, System of a Down). And let’s not even try to name all of the ones that were awful from the beginning (Crazy Town, Limp Bizkit, Saliva).

This was my generations first gift to the world…

…Just let me take a moment to apologize for that.

OK, Now that that’s done with let me point out that a few nu-metal bands have actually managed to stay slightly relevant by doing what all good musicians do: evolve. Korn has branched out into EDM and did MTV Unplugged. Mudvayne ditched the makeup and just kept writing head-spinning prog riffs. And the girls from Kittie to the time to learn to play their instruments well.

In this respect, Otep was a little late to the party. I did like the song “Apex Predator” from her last album, but on the whole I haven’t heard anything worth buying for 14 years. Well, until I started listening to Generation Doom.

That’s not to say that Generation Doom won’t appeal to those fans who still enjoy nu-metal. The album starts off with the “I don’t give a fuck” anthem “Zero” and still has a ton of heavy riffage under rhythmic and rhyming speech that is chanted. “Lords of War” is another standout with it’s chorus of:

Her guitar player looks like Glenn Danzig ate Marvin the Martian

Her guitar player looks like Glenn Danzig ate Marvin the Martian

“I’d rather be in battle than at peace
I’d rather be a wolf than a sheep
I’d rather be in battle than slaughtered like cattle
The weak can sleep while”

The band gets bonus points for the split second pause that makes you think the CD is skipping. That’s a technique not heard nearly enough in today’s music.

Then you’re in store for something I’ve never heard before. Otep actually sings on their cover of Lorde’s “Royals.” There’s still plenty of rapping and screaming, which we’ve all come to expect, but the real stand-outs to my ears on this album are the ballads like “In Cold Blood” and “Lie.” I feel bad that some little filly broke her heart, but it’s given us some of the best work of her career. Nu-metal always had a short half life, but it’s nice to see that a few of the artists were talented and versatile enough to continue making good music. Who knows, perhaps these songs are timeless enough that some day I’ll put on this album for solace after a breakup.

Now if you’ve been paying attention to this blog for a little bit you may know that my problem with nu-metal was never the metal – it was always the rap. I’ve dabbled in hip-hop music over my life and there have been a few artists/songs that I’ve enjoyed, but on the whole I’ve never considered myself a fan of the genre. Aside from a near lack of guitar or any other prominent musical instrument aside from the drum machine, I’ve always been a little turned off by the rampant braggadocio and misogyny.

So it’s a little surprising that my favorite track on this album is the one with the line “I’ll always get more pussy than you.” I don’t know, I guess a lesbian singing about stealing the wife of a homophobe just has a certain appeal for me. I’ve never been against the gay agenda. I don’t even understand the political issue concerning homosexuals. I don’t really feel that Otep is a threat to my masculinity. I find the opening line of “He called me a dyke, I called him an ambulance” hilarious.

But maybe I just really like the anger.

Marilyn Manson “Antichrist Superstar”

antichrist_superstar_4170(8 October 1996, Nothing/Interscope)

There’s something I like to call the “Smoke on the Water Principal (SWP).” You see, as a songwriter I’ve always found it a lot easier to write a more-elaborate-than-necessary guitar riff, jam packed with odd chords and enough hammer-ons and pull-offs to make your head spin than to write a simple, catchy riff. The main riff to Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water” is the perfect example of an accomplished musician opting to play something so simple that anyone who picks up a guitar can master it in about three tries, but it’s also one of the most memorable pieces of music written in the past 50 years. Some of the greatest guitar riffs in history have utilized the SWP, even if they didn’t know it. “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” “Paranoid” and “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” are all prime examples.

And so is the biggest hit of Marilyn Manson’s career “The Beautiful People.”

Antichrist Superstar is a sloppy mess of an album, but that’s part of it’s appeal. It’s strange that something produced by Trent Reznor contains so much feedback and noise, but much like The Downward Spiral it serves as a record of the band at the time.

The only live opener on a studio album that I know of is “Irresponsible Hate Anthem.” I’m not sure if they couldn’t get the sound they wanted in the studio or if they ran out of time and had to pull out a live recording. Either way, it works. The only problem I have with it is the notes say it was recorded on Valentine’s Day 1997, six months after the album came out. Do I have a new pressing? Was this a typo? The world may never know.

“Tied Up, Dried Up and Dead to the World” sounds like Korn to my ears. Not so much the chorus but the ending part with the chugga-chugga-chugga squeal. That’s something I’ve heard in just about every Korn song ever. “Tourniquet” was always one of my favorites. I’m a sucker for those simple riffs with long bends. It’s like “Interstate Love Song,” but way, way darker.


The middle portion of the album is where things start to drag. There are a few gems in there. “Little Horn,” “Mister Superstar” and “Angel With The Scabbed Wings” are all decent rockers, but some of the stuff just seems half finished. This is one of those instances of artistic ambitions getting in the way of just making a good album.

But then the third cycle really knocks it out of the park. “Antichrist Superstar” is perhaps the strongest on the album. Drop D chords mesh with crowd cheers to make you feel like your at a Nazi rally. “1996” is great in spite of (or perhaps because of) it’s poor production. It all sounds live in the studio complete with a guitar being smashed at the end. “Minute of Decay” is the one song on the album written completely by Manson. The simple bass line and distorted guitars have always made this a favorite of mine. Plus, it’s the one place you can tell that he really does have a great voice.

“Your world is an ashtray,” is a line that’s been repeating in my head for a few days now. “The Reflecting God” may be the heaviest thing on this album. Is has a frenetic bass line that smashes into the three-chord chorus and really makes me want to smash something. I think that’s about all you can ask from a good heavy metal song. Yet again they use live material for the third pre-chorus and it makes the song that much more intense.

Antichrist Superstar Back CoverI can still remember when the Shirley Jackson inspired video for “Man That You Fear” premiered on MTV and I watched it about seven times. It’s a great closer. The slow track floats along with Reznor playing piano and ends with Manson’s distorted voice saying “When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed.”

Yes, Antichrist Superstar is a hectic, dis-joined and messy album. I can’t help but wonder what it would have sounded like if they’d spent less time snorting cocaine and destroying equipment and more time writing songs and practicing. But it stands as a portrait of what the band was like when they were young, hungry and had something to prove to the world and that’s something we’ll never hear from Marilyn Manson again.

Are You Lost 18

Picard Why would you google thatI like to think it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew. And I could use an easy week to get caught up on my reading.


warning adult content – I actually don’t think I’ve ever posted this. Maybe I should have a button asking if viewers are 18 before entering.

volbeat satanic

ratm song quotes – “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!”

axl rose ribs – Did he get them removed to suck his own dick? Or did he open a BBQ joint? 

what shoes axl wearing 2016 – They took away the ones with laces a long time ago.

great southern shredder day 2016

rocko’s modern life shocked 

stage guitarist – Is this some sort of new prop artists are using? Maybe Lorde was looking for something to spice up her performance.

what is labor day – Seriously dude? What are you? Welsh?


Sorry ladies, this is the best I could find.

Sorry ladies, this is the best I could find.

THE NUDE SECTION I get a lot of people looking for nude pictures. A lot. It’s probably because I have actually posted pictures of certain artists naked. But I’d never sink so low to post what these people are looking for. Haha… Just kidding.

courtney love boobs – I’ve seen these several times completely on accident. why would anyone actually look for them?

easy a bag of dicks – I’ve asked several ex-girlfriends and they all concurred that it is easy to suck a bag of dicks. And Hillary Scott made it look so hard.

jerry cantrell naked

stevie nicks naked boobs

painted icp tits – I swear, this is probably where most of my traffic comes from.

pretty reckless sexy – Is this a question?

maria brink from in this moment sucking cock totally nude porn – As far as I know Maria Brink has never done porn. I’m not really into blondes myself, but she has a lot of people clamoring for that.

Only known picture of Wes Borland nude.

Only known picture of Wes Borland nude.

maria brink nude– Some are even willing to s p a c e  o u t words in a weird way to find nude pictures.

concert metal girl nude

wes borland nude

lollapalooza 2016 nudes

liza hernandez panama nude – I have no idea how this person got here.

young teen fuck

Descendents “Cool to be You”

descendents_-_cool_to_be_you_cover(23 March 2004, Fat Wreck Chords)

Of all the mistakes in my life, I think not discovering the Descendents sooner is the worst. Somehow they didn’t even make it to my Top 15 on the 15th list. But over the past few months this album has really grown on me. It’s the album that says all the things The Downward Spiral and Jar of Flies implied, but it does so without all the darkness and gloom. And it adds some really great melodies.

My punk rock education went the typical way, I guess. I’m an older millennial and my rock education began in the mid-nineties. I listened to Green Day and the Offspring like anyone else, but my interest in punk didn’t really go much deeper than that. Aside from the occasional Ramones or Sex Pistols track I was content to stay in my post-grunge/heavy metal bubble. Then a friend took me to see Bad Religion in 2010.I’d like to say that was a game changer for me, but that would be a lie. Sure, I liked the show and had a lot of fun; but the only song I recognized was the one Sublime had covered. It did however, pique my interest in Bad Religion enough that I was listening to them on Pandora and the title track of this album came on.

Hearing “Cool to be You” for the first time was a game changer for me. Usually I keep Pandora open while doing other things online, but this was enough for me to click back to that page to see what band this was. Then I went to Spotify to listen to the whole album.


Let me be very frank here: I am not a cool person. I don’t dress like a cool person, I don’t act like a cool person, I don’t drink like a cool person and I don’t think like a cool person. I enjoy reading so much that I want to be a writer. I haven’t had a girlfriend in nearly three years. I’m not ashamed of it. I mean, it is what it is. But that being said it would be nice if I knew enough other uncool people that I felt like I belonged. When Milo Aukerman sang the line “it must be pretty cool to know you belong,” I knew exactly what he was singing about. It’s a feeling I’ve had my whole life. I even tried the geographic cure once, but that just led me to empathize with the line “maybe I’ll move, and find a brand new place I don’t belong.”

Yes, I feel like this song was written about me. But that’s not true, which is why it’s so great to hear it. I know if someone in the prototypical pop-punk band is having these feelings, and the album sold enough copies to chart on the Billboard top 200 then I must not be the only one who feels like this. Which is something of a relief.

And those feelings don’t end on that track. Another one I keep nearly on repeat is “Tack” with the lines:

“Time for a new me
I hear they’re having a sale
At thrifty
I’m trading myself in
And I don’t care what I get for it
‘Cause I finally burned out
Been kicking myself
For way too long
Finally found out
What it feels like to be living a lie
Wasting my time, paralyzed
Wishing I was in another world”

I think this is the coolest band in the world, mainly because they just don't look cool.

I think this is the coolest band in the world, mainly because they just don’t look cool.

And the rest of the album is awesome too. I always think of punk as dumbed down music because it’s basically just three chords played really fast with silly vocals, but when your singer is a biochemist in his day job it really opens you up to sing some really clever lines. “‘Merican,” is the greatest patriotic song I’ve ever heard. Instead of just screaming about how great this country is they throw in some lines about some of the awful things that have happened and explain, “you’ve got to know the truth before you say that you’ve got pride.”

I love “Dog and Pony Show” which compares the club/bar scene to a … well, a dog and pony show. Yet again I feel like I’d fit in well with these guys because of the line “it’s no place for a mongrel mutt like me, mating rights go to the best of breed.” “Blast Off” is a song not so much about rockets and space travel as it is about explosive farts and using the toilet seat as a launching pad. “Mass Nerder” is a song I could have used in high school. I’ve never been much of a fighter, but the sentiment that I could kick peoples’ asses in class by getting better grades may have been a strong motivation.

I always thought “One More Day” was just another sappy breakup song. I never really got into until I watched the Myage movie and learned it’s about drummer Bill Stevenson’s relationship with his father. When you realize it’s not a song about some nerd pining for an ex-girlfriend and is about longing for one more day with his dad it goes from lame throwaway track to tearjerker.

But a lot of the songs are just really simple love songs. My favorite is “Anchor Grill.” It’s about rekindling that old flame by dropping “the kids at your folks, and let’s go where it’s never too late for breakfast.” Much like the main characters in Parks & Recreation I can’t think of anywhere better to fall in love than over breakfast food.