Phil Anselmo to Perform Halftime show of Super Bowl LI

philipanselmowhitepower_638New York – After the deafening uproar from the white population in the wake of Beyonce’s homage to the Black Panthers during Super Bowl L, the NFL has done an about face and booked noted white supremacist Phil Anselmo for next years’ show.

The NFL released a statement saying:

“We really didn’t think Queen Bey would have been able to cause this much of a ruckus. I mean, it is Black History month and the Black Panther Party is part of Black History. The act seemed timely as it coincided with the  50th anniversary of the Parties founding and also in the wake of police officers constantly killing unarmed black men (and children).  Also we had Coldplay as the main performer and they are quite literally the whitest band we were able to find. I guess we didn’t realize that after a millennium of oppressing other races white people developed such thin skin. We’re deeply sorry for all the butthurt you feel and are willing to go to great lengths to make it up to you, our white trash audience.”

“I’m pumped up about this,” said Anselmo. Anselmo, the former singer of Pantera and current vocalist of Superjoint Ritual, Down and the Illegals came under fire last month for performing a Nazi salute and saying white power. “We’re going to have a bunch of Klansman dressed up in colored robes and we’ll have them dance around to create a big confederate flag. That shouldn’t be offensive right? I mean if blacks can support their culture with the Black Panther Party we should be able to celebrate ours with the KKK right? Their pretty much the same thing right?”

My comment that the main difference between the two was that the Black Panther party was committed to ending segregation and racism while the KKK promoted it was shouted down with phrases like “Uncle Tom” and “Niggerlover.”

“We’re going to get David Allen Coe to come down and we’ll sing ‘Nigger Hatin’ Me’ together,” said Anselmo with a glint in his eye. “We’re also looking at getting John Mayer, Paris Hilton, Moby and even Kreayshawn for the rap lovers.”

The announcement received a surprising amount of support from the black community as Jay Z and Soulja Boy expressed interest in singing the national anthem in exchange for five minutes alone with Anselmo.

No word yet on why racists just don’t watch hockey.

Both Spike Lee and Jada Pinkett Smith plan to boycott the halftime show.


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