Anything That Can Go Wrong 14


2011-05-05-BONUS-COMIC-InterventionThe Intervention

It’s been over a year since I’ve written about the Ockym’s Razyr. Things were always bad with the band. They were always volatile. I think Don Henley said in an Eagles documentary that any great band is always five minutes from breaking up and they were no different.

It was a little surprising what did it though.

The last time bassist Matt Vance departed the band (Part 6) he was replaced. With someone. I can’t remember who, but it was someone. This time that didn’t happen and the band dissolved.

The intervention wasn’t a pretty sight. Most of the band members showed up at his parents house to tell him it was time to get  his life straightened out.

“We’re worried about you Matthew,” his dad said. “Your mother and I found a powder on the bathroom sink so we know you’ve been snorting drugs.”

“But that was just Vicodin. It’s nothing. I got them from Mom.”

“Well, when I gave them to you I thought you would take them orally like a normal person. Not nasally like a… like a… like a drug addict!” His mother broke down in tears.

“Is that all you’re worried about? I’m sorry. I’ll stop snorting the pills.”

“Your behavior at practice has gotten a little erratic,” singer Adam Gillis said.

“I thought you guys liked that. I thought that was my role in the band… to be the kooky alcoholic guy.”

“Well, we like that. But we’re just worried about what you’re doing to yourself.”

“But you guys drink too. I think I saw you pass out and piss yourself last week, Eric.”

“Hey, I’m not on trial here.” guitarist Eric Shawn defended himself.

“We all just want what’s best for you, son.”

“But I have to drink. It’s the only thing about me anyone likes. I don’t have a job. I don’t have a girlfriend. My only talent is that I can play the intro to ‘N.I.B’ really well.”

“I don’t know about all that, Matt.” Gillis’ girlfriend Kelly opined during a brief lull in texting.

“Well, I can play ‘Blister in the Sun’ really well.”

“That’s not a talent son,” his father said. “Everyone can do that. Your mother can do that.”

Mrs. Vance continued crying

“Dude,” Adam said. “I saw the post on Facebook about trying to score some dog antibiotics.”

“That was a joke… I wasn’t really going to take them.”

“Why the hell would you take dog antibiotics?” Eric wondered aloud. “Will those get you high?”

“That’s what I’ve heard.”

This is not the treatment center Matt spent a year in.

This is not the treatment center Matt spent a year in.

Mrs. Vance cried louder.

“OK. So what do you suggest I do?”

“We’ve booked you a room at a very nice treatment facility in Cleveland.”

“Ohmygod,” Matt said. “This is really happening.”

“Don’t worry about the band,” Gillis said. “We’ll still be here when you get back.”

But in all actuality, Ockym’s Razyr wasn’t around when Vance returned last month. After searching for a new bass player for a month, the band decided to venture on without a bass player for a while, but the sound wasn’t right.

So when Matt Vance called up Adam Gillis to see about practicing, it began a whole new chapter in the drama of America’s least favorite pretend band.

 

*Author’s note* Dog Antibiotics will not get you high. At least I don’t think they will. Please consult a veterinarian before using/abusing any prescription medication designed for animal use.

Top Posts of Ockym’s Razyr

Part 11 The Christmas Party

Part 3 The Road Trip

Part 2 The Jam Room

Part 10 The Other Interview

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2 thoughts on “Anything That Can Go Wrong 14

  1. Pingback: ATCGW 16 | The Audible Stew

  2. Pingback: ATCGW 15 | The Audible Stew

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