Gimme Gimme Duck Dynasty

Note to Reader: I wrote this post on January 29th and I’ve been sitting on it for 5 months, waiting for one of the Duck Dynasty guys to say something homophobic, racist, intolerant, narrow-minded or just downright mean. However, in light of the fact that I’ve worked several twelve-hour days this past week and have been having computer troubles I think the time has come to publish this silly post.


Whenever is see this…

happy happy happy


I think of this…


The Pretty Reckless – Going To Hell

pretty-reckless-going-to-hellThe Pretty Reckless – Going To Hell (2014)

I’ve never considered myself a gentleman. As to blonds, brunettes or redheads I never had much of a preference; but I seem to be writing a lot about blonds. I’ve covered In This Moment, Miley Cyrus, Courtney Love, Pink and Miss Piggy. Wait… not Miss Piggy. To only one redhead, Shirley Manson.

And now, the next blond… Taylor Momsen

I’m really curious as to whether I’m the only person who is really getting into the Pretty Reckless. Every time I suggest going to see them live in October (for only $25) the guys in my band look at me like I’ve sprouted an extra head. Billboard says they topped at #5, but have been dropping steadily since. The guys at work who introduced me to the band featuring Cindy Lou Who from the live action “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” keep telling me not to quit my day job when I sing along with the album.

So what gives?

While Taylor Momsen is an actress-turned-singer much like Miley Cyrus, the similarities end there. Well, except for the being blond and the flashing of the tits. but THAT’s where the similarities end. The biggest difference is The Pretty Reckless are a pretty damn good rock and roll band. And while you can’t say that they’re breaking any new ground, they have the youthful energy, vigor and appetite that I find irresistible.

“Heaven Knows” strikes me as something of a Queen rip off. Stomp/clap drums and a singalong chorus remind me a lot of “We Will Rock You” and while I’m not going to give bonus points for the lyrics (I’m not even sure what the hell this song is about) this song will get stuck in your head. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Choosing “Fucked Up World” as the second single seems a ballsy move, until they rename is “Messed Up World.” Then it makes perfect sense. I can’t say I care much for the edited version though, it sounds like they just cut out “Fucked” and added “Messed” with cheap software and no concern for how the flow of the song is interrupted. Just changing that one word really messes the whole song up.

And you can’t argue that there are some really badass riffs on this album. “Going to Hell,” “Sweet Things,” “Why’d You Bring A Shotgun To The Party” and the country-tinged “Absolution” all contain some monster guitar licks.

There are also a few great acoustic/slower numbers like “House on a Hill,” “Blame Me” and “Waiting for a Friend” which features the best lyric on the album:

“My head is like a prison cell
I’m all by myself
I’m waiting for my friend
To come and break me out”

But above all the thing I love the most about The Pretty Reckless is Momsen’s smoky voice. Or maybe it’s the hot body…

I like to think I’m deep and don’t base my musical tastes on appearance but…

This has been my desktop background for a while now.

This has been my desktop background for a while now.


The Best Canadian Rockers

The United States and Canada share the world’s longest undefended border, but I sometimes question wisdom of this. When I think of Bryan Adams, Theory of a Deadman, Nickelback, Barenaked Ladies and Justin Beiber I strongly support the option of bombing our neighbors to the north. Some people complain about Mexicans stealing American jobs, but I think the true travesty is not cheap produce, but Canadians sneaking south to take advantage of Americans’ horrible taste in music. When I think about how there’s a kid with an acoustic guitar somewhere in Saskatchewan trying to be the next Chad Kroeger I find myself in favor of preemptive strikes.

But Canada has given us some great things. maple syrup, hockey, the second most visits to my blog (although the UK is catching up with you)

and of course these ten bands:

10) Steppenwolf – I don’t think they’re a really a Canadian band, but they’re on Wikipedia’s list of Canadian bands and I couldn’t think of 10 bands.

9) Bubbles – Bubbles is pretty bad ass on guitar. And he even played in a band before his stint in Sunnyvale.

8) Anvil

7) Crash Test Dummies – It’s probably going to piss a lot of people off that I put the “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” band ahead of Anvil.

6) Those guys who did “American Woman” before Lenny Kravitz – That was a pretty cool song before he got a hold of it.

If any of you ever find yourself in need of American citizenship, use me for your green card.

If any of you ever find yourself in need of American citizenship, use me for your green card.

5) The Tea Party – Of all the bands I discovered on MuchMusic USA in my teens (Artificial Joy Club, Our Lady Peace, Change of Heart) The Tea Party are the only one I still enjoy today.

4) Kittie – Maybe I just like them because they’re hot chicks, but unlike a lot of other people who bought Spit and forgot all about them I’ve been keeping tabs on them and find their newer stuff to be a lot better than the old stuff.

3) Neil Young

2) Rush – Obviously the greatest Canadian Band ever.

1) Leonard Cohen -Perhaps the greatest songwriter ever. Not just the greatest Canadian songwriter. I know it’s a little cliche to put “Hallelujah” here, but very few other songs give me chills the way this one does.

So if any of you hosers disagree with my list, the largest bodies of freshwater in the world are separating us. I don’t want to look like a hockey player…

Are You Lost? Part V

I’d like to think that it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read about my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy things into search engines and ending up here. After reading my fellow blogger Mike Delano’s posts about what search terms lead folks to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew. Here are some of the wacky internet searches that have brought people here over the last month:

Joey Jordison Shirtless

Joey Jordison Shirtless

joey jordison shirtless

slayer is overrated/ is slayer overrated ? -One person was looking for the answer and the other for the question.

miley nudity

junior taboo porn/ youngest nudist taboo/ naked little young girls lust 14 age/ shocking young taboo forbidden porn it may be time to take down that picture of Ariel Rebel. I love the girl and all, but she’s giving me the wrong kind of attention.

darius rucker racist tweet -this was not at all what I thought it would be.

liberace candelabra

pornsarah b all nude photos -I’m still not sure what started this.

metalcore scream girl vs boy -I can’t differentiate between them myself. No answers here.

little richard buddy holly threesome -Yes, according to Little Richard’s Book this really happened.

papa emeritus penis -is this the new Ghost album?


If you enjoy this post you may also enjoy Are You Lost IV, III, Pervert or I



SUP Review – Vendetta

Surprising Uprising PromotionsI’ve recently joined with Surprising Uprising Promotions to start reviewing music for unsigned and unknown bands. Hopefully you’ll dig some of this new and unheard talent as much as I have.

I haven’t been getting into metal as much as I did in my younger days. I used to love bands like Chimaira, Lamb of God, Slayer, God Forbid and countless others. Not now though. The last time I went to a metal show (or was is a metal-core show? I think someone told me it was death-core or grind-core or apple core or something) I found myself thinking ‘what the hell is this? It’s just a bunch of kids banging on their instruments, screaming and jumping up and down.’

VendettaThen I realized… I’m old.

It was refreshing for me to hear the band Vendetta. It definitely falls into the category of newer metal bands that I’m a little too old for, but it’s not crap like a lot of the other bands. I’m a big fan of metal bands with female vocalists (Kittie, Otep) and I hear a bit of that in the vocals here, but what also strikes me is the contrast between the clean and scream voices. The changes are so abrupt it gives me the impression of a conversation. One person is singing the a nice high pitched voice and the other is growling in a possessed-by-Satan, black-metal voice.

And the greatest thing about ‘Martyr’ is the quick bass pull-off that you almost miss because it happens so fast. Usually bass is one of those instruments that if done right is completely camouflaged by the other instruments, but can come in every now and again to say ‘here I am.’

It’s great to hear some new metal that makes me feel young again.




Previous Surprising Uprising Promotions reviews:


Somewhere in Between