Most Overrated Bands


Slayer – Slayer is so overrated that you hear people ask for them at every rock concert you’ve ever gone to or will go to even though they’re not there. I’ve been to 4 Ozzfests, none of which featured Slayer, and every one had some guy holding a Slayer banner yelling “SLAYER!!!”

Juggalos 4 life.

Juggalos 4 life.

Insane Clown Posse – There’s a time and a place for ICP; it’s called junior high school.

Mushroomhead – Just a heads up: If you’re ever in Northeast Ohio don’t mention Mushroomhead. If you do someone you don’t want to talk to will start a conversation with you about their Halloween show or how his or her band opened for them one time or how they were so much better back when they were a local act.

To read what the rest of the world thinks of them read the end of this or this

Tool – Don’t get me wrong, I love Tool. But I’m getting really fucking sick of my bass player doing the intro to “Sober” at EVERY! FUCKING! PRACTICE!

Any of Les Claypool’s Side Projects – All of Mike Patton’s side projects would have made it onto this list except I recently discovered that I enjoy Mr. Bungle.

Kanye West – Didn’t this dude release one song several years ago? Why do I keep hearing about him? What the hell is a ‘Yeezus’?

Psychostick – These guys might be the best band in the world, but I wouldn’t know. Their fans ruin them by constantly talking about how they’re the best band in the world.

Apparently now you're considered a musician to play the mixer.

Apparently now you’re considered a musician to play the mixer.

Dubstep – Whenever I come across someone who says, “I only listen to Dubstep” I always wonder what they listened to 2 years ago.

Miley Cyrus – Sure, she’s a marketing genius and we all hate her because she’s young, beautiful, rich and doesn’t have to wear clothes like the rest of us. But her music is pretty horrible. Good luck watching this without hitting mute:

 

 

Metallica – Personal opinion here – Metallica is not the greatest heavy metal band in the world. Scientific fact here – Metallica is not the heaviest metal band in the world. What Metallica is is the most bastard friendly metal band in the world. That’s why every douche-bag and twat-waffle I work with who wants me to think they’re cool is always going on about how much they love Metallica. Be different for God’s sake!

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Another Problem with Pay to Play: The Death of the Local Scene


Musicians Against Pay to PlayDamn have I been wanting to review some local music lately. Sure, there are benefits to doing reviews of decade old, multi-platinum selling records, but I miss saying “Hey, check out this awesome NEW band!” While I enjoy writing about Weezer’s blue album or In This Moment’s “Blood” (and of course the hits that they bring from people in other area codes and countries) there is something to having a band write and say “Hey, thanks for the awesome review!” or “Fuck you asshole! You’re an ignorant piece of shit that doesn’t understand my art!”

Ah, the good old days. I was definitely keeping my ear closer to the ground this time last year, but that was before In Case You Haven’t Noticed…

I’d hoped that by now some of the problems I was having would have passed. I’d thought that more bands would rise to replace the ones who broke up and the scene would be getting ready for summer by now.

I was wrong.

So I tagged along with a buddy to a Pay to Play show his band was doing. And while I’ve grown so jaded and cynical in the past months I though noting would surprise me, this show shocked me with how pathetic it was.

I missed the first band. I haven’t been in Kent, OH for nearly 2 years and I wanted to take a stroll around the newly renovated downtown. But it was just a guy with an electric piano and a floor tom. I don’t think I missed much.

The next group were high school kids whose set consisted of 4 songs. Two were Avenged Sevenfold covers and one was a Black Keys cover. Their original was the only song where the rhythm guitarist played his instrument instead of singing. I’m not sure what the female singer was doing on the stage. She just kind of stood there. Musically they have some potential.

After they finished with their 15 minutes we had to wait for the organizers to find the next group. Usually events like this are packed at the beginning. Every band shows up, loads in and finds out when their set is. Then they hang around until they play and leave. At this event everyone found out when their set was, left, then came back and played, then left again. As such, when one band finished early, there was a lot of dead air while we waited for the next band to return from their stroll around beautiful downtown Kent.

I liked the next band. They were a pop-punk group with a nice amount of snarl and a necklace of safety pins. When they were done my friend’s band started setting up. There was supposed to be another group between them, but they cancelled last minute. It’s crazy how much the lineups for these shows change. Of the 8 bands advertised on the flyer, 5 were given set times on the list at the door. Of those 5, 4 actually showed up. I don’t know where the other 2 bands came from.

I like my friend’s band. They have good energy and a unique sound. It was sad that they only had about half a dozen people to pay attention to them, but then again, that’s the largest crowd that was gathered that night.

The next band was an indie rock outfit that didn’t want their set to be cut short by the microphone problems that made their sound check run longer than anticipated. Then when they were given adequate time to perform their set they couldn’t decide which song to play.

The only difference between the “headlining” act and the rest of the bands is that they had a lot more money. Their equipment was better and they had stage props. They didn’t have any more creativity or talent than anyone else. It was the same melodic metalcore I’ve heard countless times before (and sadly, will hear countless times again). They had the same tired riffs. The singer who sounded like Chester Bennington from Linkin Park was new, but I can name at least 2 other bands I’ve seen who have a song called “Let Go.” I was just glad to get out of there.

Aside from the fact that your view to this scene is provided by a malcontent, what’s wrong with this picture?

I was shocked by the fact that at any given time there were no more than 20 people in the building. Shouldn’t musicians be interested in seeing other musicians? I was there because I wanted to see some live music, isn’t that why people form bands? To head out and jam with their friends?

I think the best way to do a show is to have your band and a few of your friends’ bands play. I was hoping to find a few new friends or other bands to play with at this show but all I found were a bunch of narcissists who expect the world to be handed to them.

Ticket sales totaled 24. But that’s what you get when you book bands from Cleveland to play in Kent. I don’t know why they didn’t book any bands form Kent, I know of a few from that area that are OK. Maybe they just couldn’t find any that were willing to sell tickets.

In the end, I suppose the biggest problem with this show was that it was put on to make money. The promotional company that organized it exists to make money. I know every company exists to make money, but I don’t see why we need them involved with local music. Sure, the bar needs to make money to stay afloat and bands need to bring people in so they can continue to have a place to play, but why do we need promotional companies between band and venue? This isn’t the type of pastime that leads to a lot of excess cash to begin with and promotional companies are only there sucking the little bit out of that band would make.

pay_to_playThe amazing thing is that they manage to do that while producing a product much worse than it would be without their involvement.

If you liked this post you may also enjoy The Problem with ‘Pay to Play‘ or Bridging the Music Presents Local Band Showcase

Soundgarden – Superunknown


I like to say I’m the only person in the world whose life was changed by the song “Black Hole Sun.” I’m not sure if this is entirely true, but it seems likely. After all, there’s not much in the lyrics to change a life. It just happened to come on the tube at the right time.

I was sitting in the living room at some friends’ house. I think we were reading comics, but we could have been doing something else. Maybe their parents weren’t home so we were doing our homework in front of the TV, that’s not important. What is important was that while we were sitting there this came on…

I was blown away. Up until that point I listened to the music of my parents. Well, Mom’s music, Dad didn’t really listen to music. Mom was mostly into the country music of the time. Garth Brooks, Alan Jackson, Travis Tritt and Dwight Yoakam. The rock I was exposed to was mellow and of the ‘soft’ variety. Michael Bolton, Rod Stewart and Elton John. I was told that rock bands only ever sang about sex, drugs and Satan.

But this wasn’t about sex, drugs or Satan. I had no idea what it was about (does anybody?), but I knew I was in love. I could hear Justin on the chair across the room singing along.

“Who sings this?” his older brother Robbie asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Then shut up.”

I kind of wanted to start singing at that moment because I knew who sang the song. It’s Soundgarden. And that’s something I’ve still not forgotten.

superunknown

I got my first copy of Superunknown a few years later and it’s been in my collection ever since. A friend dubbed it to a cassette for me. Later on I had it on a burnt CD and once that wore out I downloaded it from a torrent site. I feel bad now that I think about it. This album that has been so important to me and had such an impact on my musical tastes and I’ve never actually purchased it. I’ve paid for Down on the Upside, Fopp/Screaming Life, A-Sides, Badmotorfinger and Telephantasm; but never Superunknown. This is the twentieth anniversary though, maybe we’re in for a nice reissue with some bonus tracks.

I wouldn’t call Superunknown a “perfect” album. There are a few stinkers on there. I’ve never been a huge fan of “Kickstand” or Ben Shepard’s solo piece “Half” (I don’t think the band were huge fans of these songs either, they were toward the end). “4th of July” and “Fresh Tendril” are awesome songs, but they’ve always seemed a little out of place there. They do; however, feature Chris Cornell’s genius practice of singing high and low on the same song. I love hearing him harmonize like that. “Spoonman” is a good song. I don’t know that anyone would disagree, but it’s kind of dumb isn’t it? Yeah, it’s cool that there’s some spoons on a rock song, but really? Do you have to call that track “Spoonman”?

Other than that I love it. Songs like “Let Me Drown” and “Fell On Black Days” are simple three chord rock songs, but the rest of the album is one song of open-tuned strangeness after another. The main riff of “Superunknown” sticks out as a simple single note lick that wraps itself around your brain like an anaconda and doesn’t let go. “Head Down” clings and clanks during the opening then kicks into a smooth ballad. When it come to “My Wave” I just want to say “duh duhn duhn DUH duh duhn duhn DUH.”

I think my favorite has to be “The Day I Tried To Live.” Cornell’s lyrics were one of the the things that drew me to this band and probably led to my interest in the deep poetic musings of other’s like Smashing Pumpkins, Leonard Cohen and Marilyn Manson. but my favorite verse on the album is:

“I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger, drop the blade
And watch the rolling heads”

Yeah, I'd do Chris Cornell. And I don't think that's gay.

Yeah, I’d do Chris Cornell. And I don’t think that’s gay.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Chris Cornell is one of the few guys (along with Edward Norton and David Tenant) that it is perfectly acceptable for a heterosexual man to be attracted to.

While Badmotorfinger was a huge hit and King Animal  marked a comeback, Superunknown still sits at the top of Soundgarden’s catalog. So much s that when I saw them at Rock on the Range last year, the bulk of the material they played was from that album. The strange thing is, I didn’t care much for the live rendition of “Black Hole Sun.”

Are You Lost III


I’d like to think that it’s because I’m such a great writer that people are coming to read about my thoughts on music. Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy things into search engines and ending up here. After reading my fellow blogger Mike Delano’s posts about what search terms lead folks to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.

Sarah Buhler not Naked

Sarah Buhler not Naked

sarah bühler nackt

metal bands with female singer that has the word blood in it

bands like in this moment

bands similar to in this moment

Boy, people are really getting into In This Moment.

taboo young porn video – I’m not sure what brought this to my website, but if you notice could you tell me so I can take it down? I don’t mind the NSA reading my posts, but I’d really like to keep this guy away.

Dork Jerry Cantrell

Dork Jerry Cantrell

dork jerry cantrell

necrophilia song lane staley sang – I’ve never heard this one. Has anyone else? Does it exist?

nudity in music videos pictures – Why would you want a picture? Wouldn’t you just get on Youtube and search for Bjork?

RATMPMRC

 

 

rage against the machine nude – I stumbled upon this on the Wikipedia page about the PMRC while researching an essay on censorship. It seems like a weird thing to type into Google though.

smashing pumpkins music satanic – I’ve heard it referred to as “shoegaze” but never “satanic.”

If you liked this post you may also like Are You Lost Pervert? or Are You Lost?

Musical Friends Catalog – March 2014


Companies like Musician’s Friend and American Musical Supply do a great job of connecting aspiring musicians with instruments, accessories and amplification, but they don’t connect these future rock stars with what they really need to make it big: Bandmates!

The real money is to be found not in selling $2000 guitars to rich kid who will just get bored and let it collect dust in the corner of the bedroom, but to sell the perfect vocalist, guitarist or drummer to that guy who really wants to make it in a band and just needs another person who shares his enthusiasm, determination and complete and utter lack of talent.

Now that you’ve contacted all of your friends, put up a flyer in all of the music stores around town and have posted your ad on Craigslist it’s time to try the one way to guarantee you find the right musicians for your project.

Welcome to: Musical Friends

VOCALISTS

Fred+DurstThe Durst: The perfect model for the person who believes Nu-Metal is coming back (Or was ever cool to begin with)! Basic model comes complete with goatee and backwards baseball cap. (Saggy pants and chain wallet sold separately.) The Durst will perform lyrics in a quick “rapping” voice or in a low and growly voice. DOES NOT SING.

MSRP -$30 (That’s right, we’ll PAY you thirty dollars to take this worthless asshole off our hands)

I have no idea who this guy is... wait.... is that a girl?

I have no idea who this guy is… wait…. is that a girl?

The Screamo/-Core Guy: This is the vocalist for when you want your songs to have deep meaning and emotion, but not have anyone understand the lyrics! Comes complete with gauged earlobes, full sleeve tattoos and encyclopedic knowledge of all sorts of bands that have only been around for 2 years and will be completely forgotten in another 2. Also thinks you are a total asshole because you’ve never heard of any of these shitty bands.

MSRP $10

Demon wings sold separately.

Demon wings sold separately.

The Danzig: Perfect for the punk band making the transition to metal. The Danzig writes simple, easy-to-play hard rock riffs that even your bassist will easily master. Sings in a low voice about “evil,” “Satan” and “wolves.” Shirt not sold separately. It’s not sold at all.

MSRP $300

showbiz-liberace

The Mercury: Our most talented and  versatile singer! Able to recreate the amazing voices of Queen’s Freddy Mercury, Elton John, Ricky Martin, Clay Aiken, Adam Lambert, Boy George and George Michael. But the rock doesn’t stop there! The Mercury can also perform in the heavy metal style of Judas Priest’s Rob Halford.

Special of the Month:

Reznor 90sThe Reznor: The perfect multi-instrumentalist to hook up with if you’re just looking for a ride to the top. The Reznor writes and plays all the instruments and only needs live musicians for performance.

MSRP Who are you kidding. You can’t afford this guy.

If you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy Anything That Can Go Wrong 13 or Anything That Can Go Wrong 12