Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (Spoiler Free)


I’m finally getting around to writing my SPOILER FREE review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It was a good flick. I was pleasantly surprised by the interesting and engaging the plot. The past four movies have all been “we’re stuck on an island with dinosaurs trying to eat us and we have to escape,” but this one finally has something different. I also liked that there were some different dinosaurs in this one. Not just super-genetically-mutated ones, but some based on actual dinosaurs that hadn’t made their film debuts.

Personally, I really enjoyed seeing the Ankylosaur. Oh shit, was that a spoiler? It’s the last one I promise.

The best part of the movie came toward the end when Tyrannosaurus Rex ate a guy and the little kid in front of me in the theater started giggling and said “Silly Dinosaur!” That was a priceless moment.

The second best part is that the actor who played Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs is in it. You’ll recognize him not only for his voice but also because his character is obsessed with killing and skinning dinosaurs to make a suit. “It puts the lotion on its scales or else I give a yank to its tail.”

I’m not going to tell you what happens to his poodle. No more spoilers!

 

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Trump Returns from Putin Meeting with Black Eye


Washington D.C. – President Trump returned from Helsinki on Tuesday, after spending several romantic days with his Russian counterpart Vladimir Putin. When asked about the shiner on his left eye he insisted he walked into an open door.

The truth was revealed later at a press conference.

“Putin is just under a lot of stress,” said the battered president. “He told me he’ll never do it again and I believe him. You don’t know the pressure he’s under. He has to run not just one country, but two. Do you really think I could do this without him?”

He then returned to the abused woman logic of insisting it was all his fault.

“Look, he started the meeting by saying I couldn’t ask him about Crimea and I did. It’s really all my fault for bringing up that subject as well as asking how we’re going to deal with this whole election meddling thing.”

While I’m sure to those reading this who are not in the US, UK or Ukraine this satirical article is very humorous, I can assure you to many of us in the US it is quite embarrassing.

Fuel “Sunburn”


(31 March 1998, 550, Epic)

A recent swimming trip with my daughter left me thinking about this album. I have the title all over my back! But it’s a good album to be thinking of. This is one that has survived numerous trips to the used record store to be sold. They never made an offer, but I liked it too much to send it to the Goodwill. So it’s remained in my collection.

It’s not the greatest album I own, but it’s far from the worst. It’s easy to lump Fuel in with all the other post-Grunge groups of the late nineties who only saw 15 minutes of fame, but Fuel has stuck with me through the years. Probably because my Mom loves them so much. But it could be that there’s some great songwriting here too.

“Shimmer” and “Sunburn” are both great tunes and obvious for singles. Both are the kind of semi-ballads that I can imagine listening to while dealing with a breakup.

What makes the album unique are the strange sounds that come in places like the into of “Bittersweet.” I have no idea what chord that is. The rest of the song is a great stereotypical hard rocker, but then it breaks to a really weird atmospheric guitar sound. There’s a great sense of balance there.

I’ve always loved “Jesus or a Gun.” It’ like American Psycho; there’s a message hidden in there. I have no idea what that message is, but I know it’s there.

Looking back on the singles it’s weird that these guys didn’t hit it big for another two years, but even the other tracks have some great stuff. I suppose a lot of it may come off as derivative though. A lot of other bands were doing stuff like this at the time. “It’s Come to This” makes me think of the Smashing Pumpkins for the experimental, atmospheric guitar tones. “Song For You” reminds me of Candlebox with the single-note intro. Not that Fuel was trying to ape these groups, it’s just a hazard of sharing a genre.

There are some other great hard rockers in there too. Opener “Untitled” is a great attention getter. “Ozone” is another that makes my ears perk up.

While some groups seemed to just jump aboard the grunge bandwagon as a way to fame, Sunburn scorches with authenticity. It’s not so much grungy as it is a solidly written album that just happened to be released when that was the sound you got.

You’d obviously be forgiven in 2018 for writing these guys off and not paying any attention, but you’d be missing out.

Build the Wall!


I got the song “Hot Blooded” stuck in my head yesterday, and it was enough to make me completely change my opinion on immigration. After having to deal with that song for about 20 minutes, I now think we should ban all Foreigner from entering this country.

No “Urgent.” No “Juke Box Hero.” No “Double Vision.” No, I don’t want to know what love is. No “Head Games” or “Dirty White Boy.” No “Separate Ways.” Wait… that’s Journey. Oh well, we’ll ban them too. Just until we figure this thing out.

Don’t think “Hot Blooded” stuck in your head is enough to make you want to build a wall and issue a travel ban? Well, check it.

You’ll see.

 

(Holy crap, I didn’t intend to watch that video. I was just going to post it, but I couldn’t look away. That may be one of the greatest music videos ever filmed!)

Special on Eardrum Heads!


Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you could replace eardrum heads the same what you do snare drum heads? Well, now you can! Musical Friends is excited to be offering bargain-basement discount prices on eardrum heads!

We have eardrum heads from Remo! Aquarian! Stryker Corp! Evans! Yamaha! Zimmer Biomet! Tama!  And probably a few more companies, but those are actually the only companies I know of that make drum heads!

We have bass drum heads for if you’d like to hear everything super low, high tom heads for if you want things kinda high, and floor tom head for if you just want to hear things normally!

You can even put a snare head on your eardrum! I have no idea why you would want to do this, it’s not like the hammer, anvil and stirrup bones are going to take the place of the rattle of metal wires on the bottom of the snare drum. And even if they did, wouldn’t that just be annoying as all holy hell? What if you fuck up and get the sound that Lars Ulrich used on St. Anger? Could you imagine the living hell of everything in the world sounding like the snare drum on St. Anger? I just did and it sent shivers down my spine.

We offer electronic eardrumheads and eardrumhead machines that can be plugged directly into the brain. We’re not sure exactly which port in your brain to plug them into, but I’m sure there’s a neurologist somewhere who can help. Actually, I’m not sure. The human brain is the most complex computer known to humanity, but if you have money to burn feel free to buy one of these for $1800!

Most of our stuff is dirt cheap because you’re going to need every penny for the surgeon who’s going to install these puppies. Oh, and make sure he uses a Musical Friends’ approved drum key! 😉

 

Happy Birthday Prince


I never meant to do a “Happy Birthday” series, but that seems to be what’s happening. It’s working out OK so far. It’s nice to do something light every now and again.

I was going to tag Prince onto the Marky Mark post, but that seemed more than a little disrespectful. It’s a lot harder to decide which song to choose to celebrate his accomplishments. He’s like the exact opposite of Marky Mark.

So, I’m not going to just choose one.

 

I hope you’re all as sexually confused as I am after watching that last one…

What’s your favorite Prince song? Can you even choose?

Happy Birthday Mark Wahlberg


I’m loving this left-handed people calendar. It gives me the chance to do horrible posts like this.

I know what you’re thinking, Mark Wahlberg isn’t a musician. Well, to prove you right here’s the video for his 1991 hit single with the Funky Bunch “Good Vibrations”:

 

Did you hear?


Did you hear about L7 getting back together after a long hiatus? They’ve released a few new tunes and are even doing some touring.

I’d really like to go see them in concert, but I’d be really pissed off if I didn’t get hit by a used tampon. That would be as bad as going to a GG Allin show and not leaving covered in shit.