I’m Glad Trump Isn’t Making America Great Again


I’ve gone on record saying I’m not a fan of Donald Trump. Still, there is one part of American Culture I expected him to make great again: Music. I keep waiting for hardcore punk bands to pop up like they did in the eighties when Cowboy Reagan was in charge. I don’t think any of us would be hearing much about bands like Black Flag, DOA, GWAR or Reagan Youth without the moral majority being in charge and giving the youth of the day something to rally against.

Maybe they’re all still just working on their record contracts.

The good thing is that I still have time to catch up on some great music I’ve missed over the past 35 years. After seeing the Dead Kennedys a few weeks ago and not recognizing an embarrassing number of songs I decided to make a trip to the record store. I think I did pretty well for myself. Five purchases for under $50.

Of course, I was predominantly looking for DK stuff. I have Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables and Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death. I had In God We Trust, Inc. but it’s been lost to the ages so I wanted to fill in some gaps.

I managed to get Frankenchrist on vinyl for $20. That was the highest price for anything on this trip, but I think it was worth it. I justified it by wondering how much I would have paid if it had Giger’s Penis Landscape insert. (But now that I think about it, how odd it is that I would pay more to get a poster of that particular painting?) I also bought Plastic Surgery Disasters/In God We Trust, Inc. on CD. Now my collection is only missing Bedtime for Democracy.

They also had the 25th anniversary of Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables featuring a 55-minute documentary. I found that really tempting for but passed on it for now. Hopefully, it’s still there when I make it back. Does anyone have a copy of this? Is it any good? Is it worth the $16?

The benefit of going to a brick and mortar store instead of Amazon is I was able to browse and see what else wanted me to pick it off the shelf. I didn’t have to look very far to find the Dead Milkmen’s Eat Your Paisley. At $8 and with tracks like “Where the Tarantula Lives,” “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies” and “Beach Party Vietnam” it was a no-brainer.

I also grabbed The Lords of the New Church’s self-titled album. I first heard of these guys after reading 1537’s review. After checking out a few tracks on Spotify I immediately added them to my Amazon wishlist. This is a great album. It has a gothic, new wave feel to it. Not new wave as in ‘we’re adults now,’ but new wave as in ‘I wonder if this album influenced Pretty Hate Machine.’

My last purchase was Machines of Loving Grace’s self-titled debut. This was on the $1 rack and since they contributed one of the best tunes to The Crow Soundtrack I figured it would be worth taking a chance on. Jokes on me. There’s a reason I never heard anything from these guys other than “Golgatha Temple Blues.” I’m sure I’ll take it down again eventually, but I don’t imagine it will get much airplay before I try to sell it back.

I also came across a Scott Stapp CD I thought about buying. I have a few coworkers that keep singing “One” whenever they pass by and I thought it would make a good gag gift. In the end, I decided $1 is too much money to spend on a Scott Stapp CD no matter the reason.

 

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Dead Kennedys @ The Agora


5 May 2018

The Agora Theatre; Cleveland, OH

Stalker, The Snakes, Gay Black Republican, T.S.O.L., Dead Kennedys

I gave a serious pooh-pooh the first time I heard that Dead Kennedys were coming to town. Without Jello? Who gives a fuck? Then I remember how awesome East Bay Ray’s guitar work is. And I remembered Klaus Flouride has the coolest stage name ever. And I want to say something about D.H. Peligro, but who really cares about drummers?

So I plopped down my cash and bought a ticket. I can’t say that I regret it.

The show opened with local act Stalker. At first it sounded horrible, but I think that had more to do with PA problems. Every guitarist on the stage that night looked over at the sound booth and shouted obscenities. The sound guy was not having a good night. I enjoyed their sloppy, high energy punk. It’s neat to see a band where nearly everyone takes a turn on lead vocals and I appreciated the use of full chords on the bass guitar. It’s a sound that doesn’t get used enough and when done right it sounds huge and awesome.

The Snakes were another local act. They had a lot more metal in their sound, but I still enjoyed their fast punk tunes. I wasn’t extremely impressed and nearly wrote them off as a band with a hot blonde singer. When she announced they were going to play a cover I wondered if it would be Blondie or the Runaways, but they surprised me by doing my all-time favorite Ramones tune “Pet Cemetary” and won me over. Like my companion pointed out, they were a lot more put together than the first act. I didn’t disagree with him; I just noted that was the reason I enjoyed Stalker more.

It’s hard not to get excited about a band called Gay Black Republican. They played some great high energy rock without distortion but with a lot of catchy hooks. Sometimes I wonder why bands are on bills together (see Frank Ierno and The Descendents), but these guys fit right in with T.S.O.L. and DK. I’m guessing it didn’t hurt their chances that they let the headliners use their drum set.

I’m not sure why T.S.O.L. never achieved the same levels of popularity other first-wave punkers did. They play good tunes and feature interesting guitar work. They put on a good show with the singer doing a little bit of standup between songs. I guess their downfall might be a lack of good singalong choruses. The only tune I recognized was “Code Blue,” and while it is a humorous ode to necrophilia there really isn’t a great hook.

Dead Kennedys put on the show I expected. It sucked that I don’t know more of their songs, but I enjoyed the ones I didn’t recognize as much as “Looking Forward to Death,” “Kill the Poor,” “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” and “Holiday in Cambodia.” Jello’s absence wasn’t felt too strongly as Skip Greer proved to be an entertaining and animated frontman. He did stand-up and political jokes to introduce songs and cheated a little by holding the mic in the crowd and letting us sing the choruses. I meant to stay out of this pit as I’m getting a little old, but at a certain point I said ‘Fuck It’ and slammed into old, sweaty people. Then I found my way to the front and stood in awe of Ray’s guitar work.

 

The strange thing was how the crowd got smaller as the night wore on. I guess a lot of Dead Kennedys’ fans have earlier bedtimes than they did in the early eighties, but I still thought everyone would stay around for the encore. It was a great set and I’m glad to have added this band to the list of live acts I’ve seen.

If this show comes to your town I would highly recommend getting out and seeing them. How many other chances will you have to mosh to “Viva Las Vega”?

 

The Wisdom of Rock 2


I used to really enjoy deep and meaningful lyrics. I’m not sure what changed. Did I mature? It’s more likely that I did the opposite. What do you call that? Immatured? Yeah, I think that’s it.

I’ve immatured to the point where I tend to prefer songs about sniffing glue and smoking banana peels to anything the Eagles have done. But every now and again I still come across a lyric, and even without any marijuana in my system I think to myself, “Wow man, that’s deep.”

So let’s celebrate some of the wisdom that somehow manages to seep through the crack and drip down on us, even though we don’t listen to jazz.


“Life is the most precious thing you can lose”

Pennywise “Bro Hymn”

 

“With every mistake, we must surely be learning”

The Beatles “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

 

“The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older,

shorter of breath and one day closer to death”

Pink Floyd “Time”

Original Motion Picture Soundtrack “Tommy Boy”


I don’t usually buy albums based on one track. I’ve been burned this way a few times in the past and thanks to Spotify, I can now listen to an album multiple times before deciding whether to spend my hard earned money on it. But when I saw this album for $1 and it contained the track “Fat Guy in a Little Coat,” I knew I have to have it.

Aside from the classic “Fat Guy,” you also get “Jerk Motel,” “My Pretty Little Pet” and “Housekeeping.” It’s a little disappointing to not have “Every time I drive down the road I want to jerk the wheel into a bridge abutment!” or the pitch where he was lighting model cars on fire, but there are still a few great additions to my library.

The music is all middle-of-the-road rock from the nineties. Paul Westerberg, Primal Scream and the Smoking Popes all make appearances with tunes I still can’t pick out of a lineup. The Goo Goo Dolls are on here with a song from their early days before they were truly horrible. Soul Coughing does a song they wouldn’t have release post-9/11. It also has R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine),” which I remember from the movie and “Come on Eileen” which I don’t.

Yet again, I feel like the tracklist could have benefitted from the inclusion of Chris Farley and Brian Dennehy doing “What I Say,” but they didn’t consult me when preparing this.

The best song on the album is a cover of Kiss’s “I Love it Loud” by a band I’ve never heard of called Phunk Junkeez. It’s pretty hard to screw up a Kiss song and they really knocked it out of the park by adding some Public Enemy samples.

 

This isn’t the kind of an album you’d want to immerse yourself in with great headphones. I usually listen to it as background music on road trips. But if you do that make sure you remove the oil can before you cue up the Carpenters’ “Superstar.”

Are You Lost 22


I like to think it’s because I’m a great writer that people are coming to read my thoughts on music and politics.Of course, what’s really happening is that people are typing crazy shit into Google and somehow ending up here.

Of course, what really happens is people type crazy shit into Google and somehow end up here. After reading Lebrain’s posts about what search terms lead to his site I thought it would be fun to share what leads people to The Audible Stew.


stevie nicks nue – finally, someone looking for something nue.

stevie nicks desnuda

“stevie nicks” nude

kind girl nude – Personally, I prefer mean girls nude.

 

This is the only guy I know of with a red penis.

man with a red penis – This raises so many questions…

 

driven by boredom.com nude

mike patton overated dickhead – I’m not sure about his personality, but I do get tired of hearing about him.

vulvatron nude – personally, I’d rather see her with clothes on.

sexy nude phish chick – Does this exist? I’m guessing Phish has some good lucking female fans, but can you ever call them “nude” if they don’t shave their armpits or legs?
dicks – Eight searches for dicks have led to my site this year. Eight! What the hell have I done with my life?

Happy Easter


Yet another Easter; yet another chance to reflect on the fact that there are a million and a half Christmas songs and no Easter songs.

Such bullshit.

Wait… What is this? Band named after our Lord and savior? A song about rising? Could this be the perfect Easter song?

 

Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy the chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs.

Naaa Nanana Naaa NananaNaa Nanananana


Wilson Pickett’s “Land of a Thousand Dances” is one of the greatest Rock and Roll songs of all time.

Sure, the verses are stupid. It’s just a list of dances. But I guess that was the kind of stuff people wanted to hear way back in the long ago. Anyway, It’s more than made up for by the awesome chorus. It’s one that get’s stuck in your head and won’t go away.

This song was always in the background for me. Kinda like radio signals left over from the big bang. I remember hearing it in the trailer for the movie Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, I remember my mom’s boyfriend making a catfish sing it when I was young and who could forget Cheech Marin’s rendition in A Shrimp on the Barbie. 

It has a beat and you can dance to it. There’s no hidden meaning or backward masking,* but sometimes it good to just have a little fun.

*That I know of.

Strange Solace


This is us after the Descendents concert last year.

This will be my first Valentine’s Day without a date in several years. My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago. I know I’ve written about her on here before so you may have heard about some of her health struggles. Still, it was a shock. Even with all of her medical problems I still expected her to live a longer life.

But enough about that. I didn’t want to write this post to reflect on that, but because it actually leads to a somewhat humorous music story.

I don’t know how many people reading this have lost loved ones, but have you noticed a lot of strange thoughts popping into your head immediately after? Among all the thinking about who I needed to call, how I was now in charge of scooping the cat box and wondering what was going to become of the department store that was her wardrobe I got the Vandals’ “My Girlfriend’s Dead” stuck in my head.

I know what you’re thinking. What the fuck? You sick bastard! That’s so disrespectful! Why would you think of that song! Have you no shame? Or at least I imagine you’re thinking these things because the first day I was thinking the exact same thoughts.

Then I remembered something: She loved that album! We were in the car a while ago and it was playing. I went to take it out because I have listened to it already but she stopped me. There are a lot of great tracks on Hitler Bad, Vandals Good. I remember posting “If The Government Could Read My Mind” on her Facebook wall when we were first dating. And she told me a college friend suggested to her that “F’d up Girl” could have been written about her.*

There are a lot of other songs that’ll make me think of her. I know when I got the Descendents I Don’t Wanna Grow Up she said “Silly Girl” was about her. “That’s about me,’ she said. “I’m a silly girl and you’re in love with me.”

Her dad asked if there were any good songs we could play at the funeral and I had to pass on any suggestions.

But even though it’s about a guy lying about a breakup I think “My Girlfriend’s Dead” will probably be our song. Strange as it may seem, I think she would have wanted it that way.

 

*He was right.

Death Metal Cat


A face only a metalhead could love!

Death Metal Cat For Rent

Are you a black metal, death metal, grindcore, deathcore, blackened death metal, death-doom or pornogrind band? Are you planning to shoot a music video in the forest? Are you looking for something that will make your low-budget, amateur video stand out among the millions of other talentless crap bands doing the exact same thing?

Well, look no further! I present you with RUDY THE DEATH METAL CAT!

I know what you’re thinking: who gives a fuck about a cat?

This isn’t just any ordinary cat. This is a black and white Norwegian Forest Cat with a bad case of resting bitch face. SHE ALREADY IS WEARING CORPSE PAINT! IT’S HER FUR!

She has been the singer for numerous nationally touring acts including Bloody Litter Box, Bathtub Shitter, Kiss the Anus Of A Black Cat, Scattered Litter, Squeaky Mice Drive Kitties Nuts and Satariel.* I know what you’re thinking: That’s ridiculous. She’s only four years old. How could she have toured with all these bands? Well, what’s ridiculous is that you’re thinking in HUMAN years. In cat years she’s probably in her mid to late twenties which means she’s had plenty of time to front these bands and release cool, independent albums that are so obscure and cool you’ve never heard of them.

I should also point out that she is a very unfriendly cat. I should probably come with her as a handler. Unless you want her to hiss, claw and draw blood from you. On second thought, you probably don’t need me to be a handler. That’ll make the video cooler.

Fancy, but not too fancy

We have a zero tolerance sexual harassment policy! Any painting of a white stripe on her back and allowing skunks to chase her around whispering sweet nothings in her ear will not be tolerated!

Rates are €17/hour or €125/day plus travel costs and three bowls of Meow Mix’s Indoor Formula

She is a really picky eater so she probably won’t lap up blood or eat raw hamburger or anything, but if you want that I have an orange tabby that will chow down on just about anything.

Serious inquiries only! Reply below.

* I actually only made up some of those names. A few are real.